Unconventional Missing-Nin
by Esellyn
Summary: Kushina has always had a knack for sensing, and when Minato tells her about Obito's death she refuses to believe it and uses her sensory skills to find him. To Minato's surprise and joy, Obito is alive. They request a mission to go get him, but by the time they return the great tree of Konoha has been poisoned against them.
1. Chapter 1

When Kushina told him she sensed Obito's chakra, and he was most certainly alive, Minato nearly cried. Actually, he did, but he pretended he didn't for the sake of his dignity. What tiny portion that was left of it, anyway. He blamed Kushina for a lack of dignity. She spared no one, especially not her husband. In fact, he probably suffered more than anyone else.

Minato grinned as he flashed away to find Kakashi and Rin, who were at the training ground waiting for him since he was supposed to meet with them at one. Minato was nearly late as he managed to arrive at the last minute. Some times, he was so very glad he'd created the Hirashin. It gave him extra time to spend with his wife or talking with his friends and precious students.

"Minato-Sensei," Kakashi said cooly. "Held up by Kushina-nee again?"

"Yes," Minato started, and was interrupted by Rin giggling at him. "But not for the reason you think!" He told her with slightly narrowed eyes. Pre-teens. Always had their mind in the gutter.

"Oh?" Rin asked, a faint smile still clear on her lips. Even if it was at his expense, Minato was happy to see her smile.

"Yeah, Kushina found Obito's chakra! He's alive!"

Rin lit up like a firework, "Really?"

Even Kakashi cracked a very slight smile, touching his headband, which was slanted down over the eye Obito had given him.

Minato just nodded rapidly for a few seconds, a wide grin stretching across his face. He could finally have all of his basically adopted children back! He resisted the urge to wrap them all up in bubble wrap and memory foam to keep them safe, and beamed at them, "We did just get on to active duty today, we can request to go look for him."

Rin hugged Minato happily, brown eyes staring at him as she stepped back. "What are we waiting for? Let's go put this team back together!" She grabbed Kakashi and Minato's hands, dragging them off to Hokage tower.

Kushina met them halfway, her whole body seeming to radiate from the large smile that she sported.

They walked into Hokage tower, and the secretary looked amused before handing Minato an orange folder, "Take this to Hokage-sama."

Minato nodded to her, and they continued on their way to the Hokage's office.

"Ah, Minato, What brings you here?" The third Hokage asked with his warm smile and gentle eyes. Sure, Minato knew the Hokage was really strong, but he was also friendly with his ninja's, unlike some other Kage's.

Minato handed him the folder, which the Hokage started to rifle through flicking between the papers "This, and the fact that Kushina sensed Obito's chakra, and he's very much alive!"

The Hokage looked up abruptly from the folder, "Obito?"

Kushina nodded happily, "Yep!"

The Hokage stroked his beard as he thought about what to do, and finally he came to a decision as he gave a heavy sigh, "Kushina, you are permitted to go attempt to find Obito."

"What about us?" Rin asked immediately.

"I need you three to take on this mission. You can meet up with Kushina and Obito if she is successful at the end of the mission. You can travel together for the most part, but need to split off to do separate missions."

Minato was crushed but nodded gamely. They'd be the first ones to see Obito, so it would be okay, even if they weren't the ones personally retrieving him. "What's the mission?"

"You are to pick up vital medical supplies from this outpost here," The Hokage told them as he nailed a senbon on a spot on the map he kept on his wall. Minato was impressed, he didn't even see Sarutobi's wrist or hand moving. "They aren't urgent right now, but they will be very soon. Get back as soon as you can."

Minato nodded, "I'll send a toad back with them immediately after we fetch and seal the supplies. We'll head back on our own."

The Hokage smiled, "Thank you. You are dismissed," He handed Minato the folder, and the Jounin scanned it, then tucked it away.

Kushina barely held it in until Minato flashed them all to his house. She squealed immediately after they arrived though, causing poor Kakashi to shy away from her and clamp his hands over his ears. "We're going to get Obito back!"

* * *

It went so very wrong. Sure, Minato and Kakashi got everything sealed up, and sent it off in a toad, but Rin had been kidnapped, and now they had to go after the idiotic Kiri Nin who thought it was a good idea to kidnap the Yellow Flash's student. Based on the fact that all were currently dead, or in so much pain they wished they were dead, it was not a great idea. Minato had a sadistic streak against those who dared to hurt those that were his.

Apparently, the ones who kidnapped Rin had backup that was currently chasing after them. Now that they had Rin with them it wouldn't be wise to fight, so Minato and Kakashi ran away with Kiri Ninja chasing them as they worked on getting away from their pursuers.

"Minato-Sensei," Rin said quietly from her spot on his back, "They put a seal on me."

Minato wanted to start cursing colorfully but was not going to because he had self-control. "Hold in there Rin, we'll take a look at it."

"You don't understand," Rin said weakly. "I'm a ticking time bomb, I can't go back to Konoha."

"Then we won't go to Konoha, we still have to meet up with Kushina and Obito, and we can check out the seal then. You need to recover, and I'm sure Obito will need to recover as well," Minato soothed.

Finally, Kiri gave up the chase, as the night fell and Rin long fell asleep on his back, the two awake Konoha ninjas ignored the night as they continued to run. They wanted to get to the meeting spot as soon as possible. Kushina had promised to wait unless Obito was in need of immediate medical attention.

"Minato!" Kushina cried, nearly launching herself at him, but stopping when she spotted Rin sleeping on his back. "What happened? Actually, nevermind, come back to camp, Obito's waiting. Also, we have a friend until we leave."

"A friend?" Kakashi questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"He's the one who saved Obito," Kushina explained, taking Rin from Minato, and leading them back to the camp, "He's pretty cool!"

Now Minato was mildly worried. Kushina found very few people 'pretty cool' and they had a tendency to be… very similar to his wife. Not that it was always a bad thing, but it was always… interesting.

They arrived in camp to find an old man sitting in front of a fire. His long spiky hair was grey, going on white, and he had loads of wrinkles. It was Minato's opinion that he almost looked like a raisin.

He nodded to them, and went back to staring into the fire, "Obito is in that tent there. He is sleeping currently, please do not disturb him."

Minato peeked into the tent and smiled at the sleeping Obito, the pillow under his head disappearing under the blanket that covered him, signaling he was in his usual sleeping position, wrapped around a pillow, much like an octopus.

Kakashi quickly set up both a tent for himself, and one for Kushina to place Rin in. Minato set up his own tent, as while he would like to sleep with Kushina, there simply wasn't room in a standard tent. He noted that the old man did, in fact, have a tent, but it didn't look like a standard shinobi one. Still a small one-man tent, but more like an adapted version of the standard civilian camping tent.

Tents set up, and stuff mostly put away, the awake members sat around the fire.

"So, what's your name?" Minato asked, breaking the silence.

"Madara Uchiha," the old man said calmly.

Kakashi jumped, and hid behind Minato, "The Madara Uchiha?" He squeaked.

Minato glanced at Kakashi, amused. Sure it was slightly worrying that Madara Uchiha was apparently still alive, but the man looked so old that if he tried to do a jutsu he would die, or at least pass out. Plus he trusted his wife's judgment, no matter how odd it may seem to anyone else.

Madara nodded, still staring into the fire, "Are there any others?"

Kakashi blinked owlishly at him, "Not that I know of."

Kushina grinned, "You should hear him talk about his fights with Hashirama, they're epic!"

Minato grinned at his wife. So this was why she thought he was 'pretty cool' he was a good storyteller. Figures. "Oh?"

Kushina nodded excitedly. "Yeah, his fights with Hashirama are incomparable to what is said in history books. Also, Y'know that old warmonger Danzo?"

"The Hokage's advisor and one of his old teammates?" Minato asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, him. Apparently, his dad was the one to get Madara kicked out of Konoha!"

"The old warmonger spread rumors about me, and when I brought the Kyuubi to Konoha to be sealed away, he said that I was attacking Konoha. Hashirama was sent to 'deal with it'. I explained, he sealed away the Kyuubi in his wife, and I left. He declared me dead to Konoha so no one would hunt me down. I disappeared off the map, finding that Gezo statue that has kept me alive for the most part, in a sort of stasis. I can live without it for a time, but will need to return when you leave."

"So, how did Obito survive?" Kakashi asked, not coming out from behind Minato.

"I grafted a chunk of this organic flesh stuff, he will be fine with lots of rest. The arm needs to set, which will take up to two months," Madara explained patiently, his visible eye glinting in amusement at the still hiding Kakashi. "I got him out of the rocks, and got him into my cave, doing my best to treat him. Kushina broke in a few days ago, then started apologizing when Obito was accidentally gashed across the leg with a shard of the wall. Or rather, what had been the wall."

Minato gave a chuckle as he smiled fondly at his wife, "Sounds about right."

"I didn't mean to send rock shards flying into the room, dattebane!" Kushina protested.

Kakashi patted her on the back sympathetically.

"She walked in, picked up Obito, and while I was trying to detach from the Gedo Mazo statue, started walking out," Madara said, shaking his head, the corner of his lip turning up.

"I didn't even see you in that corner!" Kushina said, throwing her arms up in the air.

Madara smiled, a touch condescendingly, "Of course not, that was kind of the point of being in the shadows."

Kushina pouted at him, "You could've said something!"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "And risk you punching me before I could explain? No thank you."

Kakashi looked puzzled, "If you were kicked out by Danzo's dad, what was his name?"

"Danzo," Madara answered with a small thoughtful frown.

Kushina blinked, then started laughing, "Hey, that means the Danzo alive today is a Danzo junior!"

Madara was contemplative, "I believe he had mentioned naming his child after himself. Were you not aware of that?"

Minato shook his head, "Honestly, I didn't know he had a father. I suppose he had to come from somewhere though."

"When will Obito be ready to head back to Konoha?" Kakashi asked, finally coming out from behind Minato and sitting next to the fire again. It seemed that since there was no immediate threat he had chosen to relax a bit.

Madara shrugged, "Whenever he wakes up he should be fine, but he would need to be carried. His legs are not ready for shinobi movement. It will take a bit for him to learn how to use his legs again."

Kushina turned to glance at the tent Rin was in, "Why were you carrying Rin? It doesn't seem like her to run out of energy halfway through a mission."

"As we sent off the toad, some Kiri nin appeared out of nowhere and kidnapped her," Minato explained, frowning. "We chased after her, but only caught up when they stopped to do something. According to Rin, they placed a seal on her, making her some sort of ticking time bomb."

Kushina looked almost offended, "That could mean those baka sealed a biju into her! I've only seen them, but there are seals to release a biju when certain criteria are met. Like, location."

Minato decided that the next time he ran into Kiri nin, they would find out exactly why you didn't mess with the Yellow Flash. Or his students.

"You can fix the seal, right?" Kakashi asked hopefully.

Kushina smiled kindly at him, "Of course I can! Minato will help too, won't you, dear?" She turned a poisonously sweet smile on him.

Minato nodded rapidly, "Of course! Half the reason I've been studying Fuinjutsu anyway."

"And your Hirashin," Kushina added, smiling cheekily at him.

"That was because I was studying Fuinjutsu," Minato corrected.

Kakashi yawned suddenly, and Minato glanced at the sky, noting it was almost dawn. "Go sleep Kakashi, we've been awake almost all night."

Kakashi didn't even bother protesting, just got up and disappeared into his tent.

"You sleep too, Minato," Kushina told him. "I took a nap earlier, you've been running around all day. Go sleep."

Minato was going to protest, then he yawned, and Kushina just smiled at him pointedly.

**(A/N) So, I'm actually cowriting this with DeadGirlRisen, so, yay. Go check out her stuff too. **


	2. Chapter 2

"Minato!" Kushina shouted, startling the blond awake.

"What?" He asked, a Hiraishin kunai already in hand on instinct.

"Rin's awake, and Obito's close to being awake."

Minato sighed, putting the kunai away, and running a hand through his blond hair, "Alright, give me a moment."

Kushina grinned, a hint of mischief in her smile, and ducked out, "Make sure you hurry, we have lunch!"

Needless to say, Minato hurried after hearing those words. Food from Kushina was always delicious.

When he got out, Kakashi was still in his tent, but Rin was sitting next to the fire, a hand on her stomach, and staring into the flames. Minato guessed Kushina had told her about the biju. Minato noticed Kushina poking at something in the fire, and crouched down next to her, spotting the tinfoil wrapped shapes in the fire.

"Almost done!" She told him, before staring back at the shapes, and poking at them a few more times.

"Are you okay Rin?" Minato asked, relocating to sit next to Rin instead.

"What's the word for people like me?" She asked quietly.

"Jinchuuriki," Minato replied, just as quietly. "Kushina's one as well, you know."

Rin nodded slowly, her eyes downcast as she mumbled, "She told me. I guess nine tails is harder than three."

"Cheer up, we'll seal it properly, and be on our way back to Konoha. Plus, Obito will wake up soon, and he'll be fine. As far as I know, he'll even be able to be a shinobi again, once he recovers properly." Minato smiled at her, and she managed a slight smile in return.

"All done!" Kushina announced, and in a slight breeze, Kakashi appeared next to her, tent slightly open.

Kushina pulled the tinfoil wrapped shapes from the fire, swiftly unwrapping them.

Minato sighed happily, the scent of the cooked meat filling the air.

Kushina quickly sliced up the meat, passing it around. They thanked her for the meal, and dug in, quickly finishing. She wrapped some of it up, placing it near the fire so it would stay warm for Obito.

Minato got up and found his fuinjutsu supplies, motioning for Rin and Kushina to join him in his tent so they could seal the biju.

"It's the three tails, so we should be fine drawing a four-pointed seal over the current one, breaking that one, then drawing a second four-pointed seal on top to ensure it doesn't break out, and you can get used to its chakra," Minato explained as he handed Kushina fuinjutsu supplies.

Rin nodded, laying down on her back, shirt pulled up to expose her stomach.

Kushina and Minato began drawing around the seal already there, drawing in a four-pointed seal, adding extra swirls for strength, and to prepare it to have a second seal placed on top.

"Kushina, would you mind?" Minato asked. "Rin, Kushina is going to place on the four-pointed seal, then release the seal they gave you. It's most likely going to hurt a lot. Are you ready?"

Rin nodded, fisting her hands in the material underneath her. Aka, Minato's futon and blankets.

Kushina took a deep breath and pushed chakra into the seal they'd drawn, "Fuinjutsu: seal!" Then, switching to the other, absolutely terrible seal, "Fuinjutsu: release!"

Minato was suddenly very glad he had sealed off his tent with privacy seals. After all, they did not want Obito hurting himself by trying to get inside the tent because he heard Rin screaming. Or anyone else trying to interrupt them. That would be bad.

Rin stopped, and Kushina sat back, picking up her brush again, "Rin, we just have to paint on this seal, and then we're done. Obito should be awake by that time."

"A-alright," She said panting a bit as she caught her breath.

Kushina gave a smile to help comfort Rin as she started to draw the second four-pointed seal. Minato started helping as well, drawing the swirly lines while Kushina handled the actual seal bit.

"Fuinjutsu: seal," Kushina muttered, pushing chakra into the second seal, forcing it to merge with the first one. "There you go, all done. Now you won't release the biju when you walk into Konoha!"

Rin nodded, still slightly out of breath. Minato unsealed the tent, and the three climbed out of the tent.

Obito was indeed awake and was sitting by the fire, trying to figure out how to eat with only one hand. The other hand was tied quite firmly to his side. Rin smiled fondly at him and sat down next to him to help. Kakashi was just staring at Obito with an almost Nara deer in a flashy jutsu look.

Minato sighed happily at his cute little students. They were all safe, and they were all with him. Also he had his wonderful, lovely, wife. All safe, and all in one place. Now he just had to keep from wrapping his students up in bubble wrap and putting them in a childproof room.

"You know," Madara said out of the blue, "Hashirama's in the cave too. He is in another part of the cave. He left because of Danzo Senior too."

Kushina blinked, then started laughing, "Even Hashirama couldn't deal with Danzo?!"

Madara nodded, a faint smirk tugging at his old wrinkled lips. "Should Danzo Jr get too much for you, the cave is open. I am sure Hashirama would appreciate other company. And perhaps food other than straight vegetables."

Minato looked thoughtful, "It's almost tempting."

Kakashi whipped around to stare at him, "Sensei!"

Minato held up his hands, "Kidding, kidding. I wouldn't go missing-Nin."

Madara shrugged, "Should you so choose, it is an open offer. You do not have to take us up on it."

Kushina hummed, thinking, "I'll just have to prepare a couple of meals for you to keep."

Obito tilted his head, "Maybe we can drop by and visit sometime!"

Kushina beamed, "Of course! Then we can hear all the stories from Hashirama as well!"

Minato watched, mildly amused as his wife went on a cooking spree, ordering Kakashi, Rin and him off to find assorted greens, hunt down some animals, and hunt down the spices she carried in her bag respectively.

Madara almost looked impressed as he watched Kushina boss even Obito around, because he could help too, even with one arm.

Kushina moved them on from gathering cooking supplies to striking the camp.

"Minato," Madara commanded, standing up. "Come."

Minato glanced at his wife, who nodded, then went back to her cooking. He followed Madara out of camp curiously, following him to a small clearing. He glanced towards the old man, who was using a kama with a long shaft as a walking cane. "I will be teaching you the great fireball jutsu."

Minato's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but then he felt a surge of giddiness flow through him. Madara was legendary for his fire techniques. Even if Minato had a wind affinity, it would still be amazing to learn from Madara. "Alright," He agreed.

Madara smirked, "The hand signs are Snake, Ram, Monkey, Boar, Horse, and Tiger. With enough practice, you can make it so you just need the tiger hand sign. Have you ever done a fire jutsu before?"

"No, I mostly use wind, and some water and earth jutsu's," Minato answered. He had planned to learn some fire and lightning jutsu's after the war but hadn't had the time to concentrate on learning new jutsu's.

"Alright, fire chakra is a burning passion, emotions can strengthen fire so long as you control the emotions. With wind chakra you imagine it sharpening to a fine point. With fire you imagine it burning hotter and hotter, turning everything it consumes to ash. With fire jutsu's you also need to make sure you coat your throat in chakra to protect yourself from burning your throat."

Minato listened as Madara explained. The old man smirked, "Now pay careful attention as I demonstrate, as I will only do so once." He raised a single hand into a one-handed tiger seal, took in a deep breath and as he breathed out a large fireball encompassing fifty feet was spat out.

"Wow…" Minato muttered, impressed. He had seen fireballs from Fugaku that weren't nearly half as big as Madara's.

Madara gave a chuckle as he smirked, "Now go ahead and try."

Minato gave a nod and practiced the hand signs for a few minutes. Once he was sure he got them he felt his chakra and changed it to fire nature, though it did take him a few minutes to change it. Coating his throat in chakra was a simple matter, as he had learned to do that for earth jutsu's. Taking in a deep breath he molded the chakra and breathed out a bit of smoke.

He coughed and glared at the smoke before him.

"That was a good first attempt, but you did not put enough chakra into the jutsu."

Minato nodded and tried again. This time he managed to make a small fireball. "Good, you are getting better, you should build up the chakra a bit more before releasing it though. Instead of instantly releasing it as you make it."

Minato gave a nod as his eyes narrowed a fraction, he formed the hand signs and built the chakra up as he would for a wind jutsu, then as he held the tiger sign he spat out the fire chakra and watched in amazement as a twenty-foot fireball flew through the air.

Madara smirked at him, "That is a good start, keep practicing and you will get even better."

The two of them walked back to the camp and Madara gave him a few more tips for making the great fireball stronger. Minato was itching to try it out again. He was beaming as he walked back to camp and he felt like rubbing his hands together in glee. He couldn't wait to practice more and then beat Fugaku.

Kushina grinned at her husband, who seemed to be starstruck by his success with the fireball. She looked back to her cooking just in time to save one of the fish Rin had caught from burning.

Kakashi stared at his Sensei, and shuddered. That grin looked a bit too much like Madara's. He turned back to organizing his stuff, staring intently at it. When not being an absolute mother hen, Minato-Sensei could be rather scary.

Minato surveyed the camp, already mostly packed up, except for his and Kushina's stuff. He got to work on his stuff, packing it up quickly, then moved onto Kushina's stuff, as she was busy cooking. And Kami did Minato know what happened when you tried to stop Kushina Uzumaki. Especially when she was cooking. Unspeakable horrors. And pranks. So many pranks… Minato gave a shudder at the thought.

Once they were packed up, Kushina presented Madara with around twenty home-cooked meals, all conveniently wrapped up in tin foil for reheating, and sealed into a scroll.

Minato glanced over to find Kushina having an argument with Madara, both looking rather irritated, Madara's hair fluffing up a bit, and Kushina's hair beginning to rise.

"We are escorting you no matter what you say," Kushina insisted.

"I am not in need of a babysitter, I am perfectly able to walk on my own," Madara countered, folding his arms as he narrowed his visible eye.

"But, what if we want to see Hashirama?"

"Why would you want that?"

"So I can give him instructions on things to have with these! And how to cook them!"

"It's Hashirama, y'know, the First Hokage," Obito offered.

Madara gave a huff as he glanced at all of them, "Fine," He bit out with a scowl, seeing that there was no way he would win the argument.

Kushina smiled, tucking the scroll into her backpack. "Alright, who's carrying Obito?"

"I will," Minato offered, fastening his backpack on a bit more securely.

"I wish I could actually walk," Obito huffed.

"If you want to ruin all of the healing you've done so far, you're welcome to," Kushina said, "And something tells me Rin will kill you herself if you try that."

Obito decided rather quickly as he glanced over to see Rin smiling at him in an overly sweet manner, "Sensei, I'll take the ride over Rin killing me."

"If you throw him over your shoulder..." Rin started, not finishing the threat.

Minato nodded quickly. You did not mess with the Medic-nin. It was a really bad idea. They could make you suffer. They knew how to heal you, and they knew all the ways to hurt you, and not ruin your recovery.

He crouched next to Obito, sliding a hand under his knees, and a hand around his back, picking him up bridal style. Obito shifted a couple of times, but otherwise kept silent as they made their way through the trees to Madara's cave.

Madara stopped walking in front of a large pile of boulders, two caves, one really big, the other smaller, right about the size of a normal person. Madara glanced back at Kushina and raised an eyebrow judgingly.

Kushina gave a nervous chuckle. "Well? Is Hashirama awake?"

Madara shook his head and disappeared into the smaller cave, before re-emerging a few moments later with a negative shake of his head. "He is sleeping. You can leave now."

Kushina sighed and handed him the scroll of food. "I left instructions in a secondary scroll. Perhaps we'll see you some other time! Then maybe Hashirama will be awake."

"We should be getting back to Konoha," Kakashi said impatiently.

"Thanks for teaching me the great fireball!" Minato said a wide grin on his face as a chibi version of himself rubbed his hands gleefully in his mind.

Obito glanced at his Sensei, a little worried now, "So that's what that was? Should we be worried?"

"Nah," Minato replied wanting to wave a hand dismissively, but he was holding Obito. "I was just thinking about using a shadow clone to create a collaboration jutsu."

Madara gave a smirk of approval at that statement.

Now Kakashi and Rin were looking worriedly at him.

"Alright, shoo now, I got to get some rest," Madara grouched as he disappeared inside the cave.

"Now we can head back to Konoha!" Kushina cheered, leading the way back through the trees, leaping through the branches this time.

**(A/N) Merry Christmas! **


	3. Chapter 3

Due to the tiring nature of sealing, and Obito, they didn't travel too far the first day, but made better time over the next two days of traveling towards Konoha.

"Sensei? Who's that?" Obito asked, squinting at a figure ahead.

Kushina squinted too, and frowned in recognition, "It's Junior, what's he doing out here? We're only two or three miles from Konoha, couldn't he have waited until we got back?"

"I wonder why Junior is here… we don't really interact with him. Ever," Minato commented.

"That too," Kushina agreed. "Minato, could you check if he has anyone with him?"

Minato nodded, pausing for a moment to check for any other people they couldn't see. "Four other shinobi, I'd say jounin level, maybe high chuunin."

Kakashi scoffed, "Hardly a guard you'd think would be with a Hokage's advisor."

"That's just based on their chakra, Kakashi," Minato scolded softly. "Medical nin can be very dangerous, but usually have very low levels of chakra. Kushina had high jounin levels of chakra at least by the time she was a genin."

"Darn right I did," Kushina said, smirking.

"Kushina, Team Minato," Danzo greeted.

"Danzo Junior," Kushina replied, her smirk growing.

Danzo twitched, "Where did you hear that?"

"Oh~ just an old friend of your dad," Kushina sang.

Minato gave a small chuckle and ignored the worried look Obito gave him. Honestly he didn't understand why Obito kept looking at him like that. It didn't make any sense.

Danzo twitched again, then sighed, "You are not permitted back in the leaf."

Kushina's smirk dropped like a stone, "What?!"

"Why not?" Minato questioned, holding Obito just a tad tighter.

"You're traitors, of course," Danzo replied airily, oozing self-satisfaction. "This is your first and only warning, come back and we will terminate you."

Rin actually took a proper step back at that, looking hurt, "But we aren't traitors!"

"What did you do _Junior_?" Kushina growled, hair flying up and separating into nine sections.

"Nothing, it was the Hokage who declared you traitors."

Minato sweatdropped, "Well, I guess we're taking gramps up on his offer."

"Yay! We can listen to grandpa's stories!" Obito cheered.

It was Danzo's turn to sweatdrop, "Grandpa?"

"None of your business, Junior," Kushina snarked, hair calming down.

Danzo twitched again. "Don't call me that."

"Maybe gramps will teach me another fire jutsu…" Minato wondered out loud his eyes gaining stars at the thought.

All three of his students glanced at him, worried. Kushina just brushed it off, pinning it as another one of his jutsu fascinations that would pass once he was done creating and or learning all of them.

"What sort of evidence do you have of us being traitors?" Kakashi questioned deciding to ignore Minato's weirdness.

"I don't have to answer you boy," Danzo replied with a sneer.

"Will you answer me?" Minato asked, refocusing on the conversation.

Danzo huffed, "I don't see why you are playing dumb to the fact you were giving vital information to Iwa and Kumo. We have proof of the documents signaling your deals with them."

Kushina growled, "We would never!"

"Kushina, let's not bother arguing, we know he's not going to budge," Rin said, tugging on Kushina's sleeve.

"Plus, we got gramps to spend time with," Obito offered.

"Maybe the other one will be awake then," Kakashi added.

Kushina sighed, "Fine. We won't bother with you, Junior. Maybe we'll see you around."

Minato smirked as he thought of some revenge. He would make Junior suffer for kicking him out of Konoha… He had wanted to be Hokage after all. As had Kushina, now neither of them could become Hokage thanks to Danzo Jr. so he would torment the man and cause as many headaches as possible.

They all gave Danzo a wave and some variation of "Bye Junior!" Before they headed off back into the trees.

Minato glanced back, paused, and decided to give him an ominous warning, "Beware, kage level headaches are on the way!"

Kushina facepalmed when he caught up to them, "You are such a dork!"

Minato grinned goofily at her, "And you love me for it!"

Behind them, Kakashi gagged silently, Rin gave a small sigh of happiness, and Obito rolled his eyes.

They traveled back, reaching the cave in a few days. Kushina knocked on the side of the opening, wondering if they were home.

"Back so soon? It has only been a week," Madara said, appearing in the doorway after a few moments and leaning against the wall for support.

"Well, we got fed up with Danzo Junior," Kushina said, shrugging.

"He called us traitors and told us not to come back or we'd be killed," Kakashi offered, seeing Madara's slightly suspicious look.

"So we decided to take you up on your offer, if that is still open," Minato added.

Madara nodded, heaving a sigh, "It is. Come on in."

They entered through the crack, the bright light of the day quickly being consumed into inky darkness. Yet along the walls were a few seals that emitted a very dim light, not enough to brighten the place, but it was enough for the ninja to make their way without stumbling over every nook and cranny.

A small sound of streaming water was heard faintly in the background. They followed Madara through the twist and turns of the cave, soon getting disoriented as they got deeper into the labyrinth-like cave structure.

They followed Madara into a room where it appeared there had been a small rockfall of sorts, leaving a patch of dirt in direct sunlight. There was also a stalactite with water dripping slowly trickling down, leaving a small pool at the bottom with water. Another old man, they assumed it was Hashirama, sat there, tending to a little garden planted there. His hair was pure white and flat, reaching down to the ground. It was messy and tangled though, as if it hadn't been brushed in years.

"Are you Hashirama?" Kushina asked before anyone could say anything.

The old man turned to them, his eyes lighting up and he gave a cheerful smile, his wrinkles becoming less prominent with the action. "That's me, where'd Madara find you?"

Kushina blushed slightly, "Well, technically, I found him."

"Oh, you were the cause of all the rubble in that main room Madara keeps complaining about?"

Kushina rubbed the back of her head, "Yeah, that was me. Sorry about that."

Hashirama laughed, "It's fine, why that's the most excitement Mads and I have had in years!"

Madara frowned at Hashirama, "Do not call me that."

"I have been calling you Mads for the past 60 years. If I haven't stopped since then, what makes you think this time is going to be any different," Hashirama harrumphed.

Madara frowned deeper, folding his arms.

"Did you like the food I cooked?" Kushina asked, stars in her eyes.

The children of Team Minato decided as a group that they were forever doomed. Danzo was so going down.

"It reminded me of Mito's," Hashirama sighed happily.

Kushina decided that was a compliment, "Thanks!"

Hashirama looked at her and narrowed his eyes with a thoughtful expression on his face, "You look a bit like Mito as well."

"Well, I'm probably related in some way, Uzumaki genes and all."

Hashirama nodded his head, "Yeah, that is true."

Madara sighed heavily to get their attention, "We should assign bedrooms."

Obito cheered the best he could from his position still being held by Minato, "Yay! I can be put down!"

"Good, maybe then I can stop lugging you around, you big lump," Minato teased.

Obito pouted at him, "Let's go!"

Madara exhaled slowly and hobbled out of the cave once more using his kama as a walking cane.

Minato, Kushina, and the rest of the team followed him out. Hashirama pouted at the plants in front of him.

"Coming Hashirama?" Kushina asked, pausing at the exit.

"I can't, I'm not mobile enough. I can barely manage walking from my bedroom to here twice a day. Even though my room is right next door."

Kushina frowned thoughtfully, "I'll just have to carry you!"

Hashirama took only a few seconds to decide, "Sure."

Kushina beamed and scooped him up.

"Oh, there you are Kushina," Minato said, his arms free of Obito, "Obito got that room across the hall from what Madara said was Hashirama's! Hello Hashirama-sama!"

"None of that Sama stuff," Hashirama waved the suffix off, "I'm barely mobile," he complained once more, a few dark lines over his head.

"Of course I am more mobile than you," Madara tossed back. "You _are_ older than I am."

Hashirama's dark lines grew, seeming to create a dark cloud over his head, "I'm only a few months older…" He whined.

"Rin, Kakashi," Madara spoke, pointing to two rooms across from each other. "You may stay in these rooms. Minato, Kushina, there is a larger room further down the hall. These walls are thick, but not as thick as you think. Add silencing seals."

Kushina smirked, "Will do!"

Minato squeaked, turned red, and buried his face in his hands.

Kakashi gagged, and Rin cooed again.

Kushina turned back. "I'll go put gramps down in his room, then we can settle in a bit."

Rin and Kakashi nodded, going into their respective rooms.

Minato, face still a bit red, hurried down the hall to where Madara had said his and Kushina's room was, and disappeared inside. Once in the large circular room, he placed a Hiraishin seal down so he could quickly return, he would have to put the seals around the rest of the cave later.

Kushina came in a bit later, stealing a kiss from him before putting her backpack down next to the wall. "Hmm, do you think you could flash back to our apartment and grab a few things?"

"Uh, let's ask the team about it too, they may want some of their stuff as well."

So they returned to their students and asked them to meet in Hashirama's room, then Minato went to Obito's room and carried him to Hashirama's room.

"Does anybody want anything while I go grab our stuff?" Minato questioned gesturing to Kushina as he said we.

Kakashi raised his hand. "Clothing, perhaps. And please tell Gai he requires a new person to challenge."

Rin nodded, a bit sheepish. "Could you let my parents know about our, erm, defection?"

"Oh! Rub it into my old man's face for me, please Sensei?!" Obito questioned with a mischievous grin on his face.

Kushina snapped her fingers, "Mikoto and Hanaka might want to know if you can manage that Minato."

Minato nodded. "I'll tell them Kushina. No promises they'll believe me though. You know how they are. Kakashi, sure, I'll tell Gai you will no longer be available to challenge. Obito, I will tell your old man you're alive, then rub it in his face. Rin, I will tell your parents you defected, and we are your new parents."

"Thanks, sensei," his students chorused, and Kushina smiled at him.

"Be back soon," Minato said, a slightly mischievous grin on his face.

Minato flashed away, going straight to his and Kushina's apartment. As suspected, no one was there, so Minato sealed up what he could quickly, then moved on to Kakashi's house. Again, it was empty, so Minato sealed up what he could, really only finding a few pairs of clothing, and even fewer personal items, and was about to flash away when the door banged open.

"YOSH!" Maito Gai yelled, then stopped as he blinked at Minato. "You are not my most youthful eternal rival, might you know where he is?"

Minato grinned, finding this convenient. "Kakashi decided to be most un-youthful and go missing-nin, and wishes for me to tell you that you will have to find another youthful rival."

Gai frowned for about two seconds, then brightened back up again. "I shall regard it as our last challenge! Thank you for delivering the message, Minato-san!"

"You're welcome," Minato told him, flashing away towards his next destination.

**(A/N) HII! Quite a ride, wasn't it? *cackling***


	4. Chapter 4

Minato appeared on the front door, ignored the confused Uchiha around him, and knocked.

An older man came to the door. Personally, Minato had always thought that Obito's dad looked like he had the Uchiha hereditary stick up his backend stuck so far up it was obstructing the part of his brain that let him have fun. And possibly a few other parts as well.

"What are you doing here, Namikaze?" He growled.

"Obito requested I pick up a few things. May I come inside?"

The Uchiha grunted, but stepped aside, "Obito? Isn't the baka dead?"

Minato tutted, "Not a very great way to speak about your son, Uchiha-san. And I assure you, he is very much alive."

"That boy was better off dead."

Minato allowed a slight smirk, "Oh, you won't have to worry about him coming back home, he's a missing-nin now."

Obito's good for nothing father gave a grunt, "Just pick up that brats stuff and don't ever darken my doorstep again."

"Happy to," Minato chirped, just itching to strangle the man. He found Obito's stuff all packed up in boxes, presumably set to go to the Uchiha place of incineration. He sealed it up, sent a cheeky smile and wave to Obito's father, and flashed away, headed for Rin's house.

Like with Obito's house, Minato appeared on the doorstep and knocked. Rin's parents almost immediately opened the door, then almost looked disappointed that it wasn't Rin. Both were brown-haired, and Minato could tell Rin took after her mother a lot.

"Hello Minato-san, what brings you here?" Rin's father spoke.

"May I come in? It's a bit of a story," Minato admitted.

Rin's mother nodded, stepping aside to allow him entry. She walked over to the hallway, gesturing Minato to the couches in the living room. "Mayuri? Could you come here, dear?"

"Coming mom," Mayuri called.

Rin's father sat down across from Minato, staring at him, "What happened to Rin? Why are you back, and she isn't?"

"Oh, little sister isn't back?" Mayuri asked, coming in, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder.

Minato sighed deeply, "We were on a mission, and-"

Instantly the mother jumped to a conclusion, "No! Rin can't be dead, she can't!"

"She's not… but… well, a lot of things happened."

"Why don't you explain from the start," Rin's father suggested with a thoughtful frown as he wrapped his arm around his wife.

"Alright, so Rin told you that Obito died on our last mission, correct?"

Mayuri gave a nod, "Yeah."

"Well, Kushina told us that she felt his chakra was still alive, so we requested to go find him. Hokage-sama gave us the all-clear to do so, but before we could go find Obito my team had to grab some medical supplies," He paused and gazed at them to make sure they were with him so far, seeing that they were he continued, "Kiri managed to set up an ambush for us and kidnapped Rin, we went to get her back and we did, but they put a seal on her."

"What kind of seal?"

"One that would go off if she set foot in Konoha," Minato carefully explained, not willing to tell them that she was now a Jinchuuriki. "We managed to go meet with Kushina who had gotten Obito and fixed the seal. So we came back to Konoha, now this is where things get a bit weird… you see we were met a couple miles from the gate and told that we were traitors, that if we stepped foot in Konoha we would be killed. So to keep Rin and the others safe we decided it was best if we didn't try and push the issue."

Her parents stared at him in wide eyes and Minato regretted his decision to explain things to them, he should have just popped in, told them they were missing-nins and grabbed her stuff then flashed away. Would have been much simpler.

"But… you're in Konoha now," Mayuri pointed out, confusion in her eyes.

"Yes, mostly because I can Hiraishin away if I get caught. So if you don't mind I'm going to go grab Rin's stuff."

Numbly Rin's mother nodded, her eyes a bit glassy. Minato went upstairs and quickly packed up Rin's stuff before coming back down. "So… it's probably best if you just consider Kushina and I her parents now, or just consider her dead if you want, you probably won't be seeing her again."

With that last parting comment he gave a beaming grin and a wave goodbye before he flashed off to find his next destination. Danzo's secret lair. Or house. Or wherever the man was. Focusing he recalled the feel of Danzo's chakra and then tracked the man down, easily hiding from the ninja's. He was considered the fastest Ninja right now for a reason, after all.

"Hello, Danzo!" Minato said cheerfully, before pulling down his pants and underwear, mooning the Hokage's advisor, then as the man stared in wide-eyed disbelief Minato knocked him out. Minato cheerfully pulled out a marker he'd found in Rin's room and borrowed, then drew all over Danzo Junior's face. A mustache and a monocle didn't look too bad on his already ugly face. Of course, nothing could really make his face much uglier. Not even permanent marker. Actually Minato was fairly sure that the permanent marker made his face look better.

Minato went and placed an invisible Hirashin seal on the underside of Danzo's desk, then decided to Hirashin back to the cave and see if anyone wanted to help him prank Danzo.

Minato appeared in his and Kushina's room, dropped their scroll on the ground next to their backpacks, then walked out into the hallway, intending to find where everyone was.

"I got presents!" He announced. "Who wants to go prank Danzo?"

"Ooh, ooh, me!" Kushina shouted, waving her arm in the air like an eager school-girl.

Hashirama pouted, the depression cloud forming over his head. "I can't, I'm not mobile enough."

"I'll carry you then, no one should be denied the opportunity of pranking Danzo Junior," Minato declared.

Kakashi heaved a slightly annoyed sigh, "I might as well, you'll need someone to keep an ear out."

"If you think I am just going to sit here while you lot are off pranking, you have the wrong impression of me," Madara spoke, standing up, a slightly maniacal grin stretching across his face for a moment.

Rin shook her head, "I'll set up my room and keep Obito company."

Minato dug her scroll out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Obito, do you want yours too?"

Obito nodded, holding a hand out, "Rin can help when she's done, I can get the small stuff in the meantime."

"Alright then, anything else before we head out?"

"Uh, Sensei? Shouldn't you grab mattresses?" Obito asked.

Minato blinked, "Right… we need bed sets. I'll make sure to grab some while we're out. Any color sheets you want? Or type?"

"I'll take cotton sheets, dark blue! Can I have a queen size bed?" Obito requested excited.

"Only queen?"

"Yeah, king-size is a bit too big for me. Can the bedframe be a darker wood?"

"Sure. What about you Rin?"

"I'll take a twin size bed with purple satin sheets. And a lighter wooden frame for me," Rin answered with a smile.

"I want a king-size bed, with grey sheets, and a mahogany frame. Also, I will need some dog bowls, food, toys, and other training supplies."

"Oh yeah, you just got a summoning contract with a pack of pups that you're supposed to train!" Kushina exclaimed gleefully.

"Well you're coming with us Kakashi, so you can pick your own bed out at the store. Also, we can raid the Inuzuka's for dog supplies. We can grab other stuff later."

"How are you going to pay for all the beds?" Rin asked.

Minato blushed, and avoided the question, "Uhh, that should be good for now." He picked up Hashirama, "Alright then, everyone who is coming along grab a hold of me." As soon as he felt three hands on him he hiraishined over to Danzo's hideout so they could start pranking the man.

Kushina, of course, started snickering when she saw Danzo, passed out on the floor with a mustache and monocle drawn on his face in permanent marker.

Minato saw a chair behind Danzo's desk and sat Hashirama down. Then he spotted the piles of paperwork Danzo had on his desk and pulled out some crayons. "Who wants to draw on his paperwork?"

Hashirama gave an evil grin, "I will!"

Kakashi smiled slightly, "I'll help."

Minato looked around with a thoughtful expression. "I'm going to see if he has a wheelchair around somewhere."

"I think I'll put itching powder in his clothes," Kushina said, with an evil grin matching Hashirama's.

"I will go find something to set on fire," Madara decided, hobbling away.

So, Minato wandered off to find a wheelchair, Madara went to find something to set on fire, Kushina wandered off to find Danzo's clothes, and Kakashi and Hashirama got to work drawing.

Hashirama hummed happily as he drew little flower doodles on the paperwork. Little trees appeared, and it was all fine and dandy until he tried drawing little animals in his tiny forests. While Hashirama could draw flowers and trees reasonably well, his animals were… less good.

Kakashi decided on a brown crayon and started trying to draw his pack of puppies on the papers. Kakashi, being a shinobi since he was 5, had not had very much practice drawing. As such, Hashirama had competition for his sheer lack of talent in drawing animals.

With no one to comment on their inability to draw, both just continued drawing on all of Danzo's paperwork. Kakashi managed to branch out to drawing assorted jutsu, lightning spidering down across some papers, flames curling along the edges of others. Hashirama branched out to water dragons rearing up and glaring at the person reading the paper.

Kushina wandered down one of the hallways, a bag of itching powder in her hand. She poked her head into the first door and was rewarded by a large room, chock full of what looked like some sort of uniform. She gleefully ducked inside and created a bunch of clones. She unsealed a few more bags of itching powder and handed it out. The Kushina's set to work, smearing the itching powder everywhere, in the masks, especially in the socks and boots, and in the pants and shirts.

She walked out of the room, escorted by her clones, and intending on finding all the other rooms with those uniforms. She was down only half a bag total and had loads more to use.

Minato could not for the life of him, find a wheelchair. There were a whole bunch of storage rooms, and he painted the symbol for clothing on all of the doors that had clothes inside to make it easier for his wife.

Finally, in a storeroom that was marked 'senior', Minato found what he was looking for. A chakra powered wheelchair. He folded it up and flashed back to where Hashirama and Kakashi were, carefully landing so he did not land on top of Kakashi, who was lying on his stomach coloring in a fire dragon on one of Danzo's sheets of paperwork.

"That's a very impressive fire dragon," Minato commented, setting the wheelchair down.

Danzo groaned, and as Kakashi jumped at Minato's appearance, his foot lashed out and kicked Danzo in the head, knocking him out.

"Uh, was the kicking Danzo in the head on purpose?" Minato asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kakashi nodded sheepishly, "Reflex, he keeps groaning so I kick him in the head to knock him out again."

Minato gave a thumbs up, "Smart thinking."

Hashirama paused his drawing as he sniffed the air, "Is it just me, or do you smell smoke?"

Minato gave a shrug at that and Kushina burst in the room with a large beaming grin, "I have finished putting itching powder on every single article of clothing in this place."

Madara came back in with a smug smirk, "We should get out of here, I have started a few fires."

Hashirama rolled his eyes.

"I still have a little bit of powder left…" Kushina muttered holding up a mostly empty bag. With a careless shrug she sprinkled the powder down Danzo's shirt and pants while wrinkling her nose.

"Alright, Madara, Hashirama, would you like to go bed shopping with Kushina and Kakashi?"

"No," Hashirama said with a bit of a yawn, "I think I need a nap."

"I'll return you to the cave then," He transferred Hashirama to the wheelchair and Madara put a hand on his shoulder as Minato hiraishined back to the cave.

Hashirama beamed as he used the wheelchair to move himself to his room. "I can move again!" Hashirama cheered as he rolled his way through the cave.

Madara shook his head, but smirked at Minato, "You have made Hashirama's day, thank you."

Minato gave a nod, and then hirashined back to Danzo's office. The smoke was now pretty heavy so he quickly grabbed Kushina and Kakashi and hiraishined them to the shopping district, "I'll hiraishin to you in a few minutes, I'm going to go pay a visit to Sarutobi."

He went back and grabbed Danzo and then hiraishined to the Hokage's tower, he didn't have a hiraishin tag directly in Sarutobi's office. Yet. He would have to place one while he was there.

Walking into the tower he was almost disappointed that no one tried to attack him. Ah well, there would be time for that later, once they actually put him in the bingo book. The stares he did get were mostly ones of shock since he had Danzo slung over his shoulder, and he was taking care to make sure Danzo bang against every door and wall.

He went into the Hokage's office, ignoring the protesting secretary. Sartubi looked up from his pipe and stared at him, his eyes widening a bit, "Minato."

"Sarutobi! What a lovely day, seems I have been declared a traitor, so being the missing-nin I am I thought I should return the messenger," He threw Danzo down on top of Sarutobi's desk sending paperwork flying.

He leaned over the desk to stare Sarutobi in the eyes, placing an invisible hiraishin seal on the desk as he did so. "I thought you knew me, how could you think that I'm a traitor?"

"I was given plenty of evidence of your misdeeds."

"Evidence from Junior there," Minato scoffed in reply. "We don't appreciate the accusation, and we will have our revenge." With that said, he turned around and took a couple of steps as if walking out before he pulled down his pants and mooned Sarutobi. "Later old man!" Minato shouted as he stood up, pulled up his pants, and hirashined to his wife.

**(A/N) *Shakes head* And thus we see the beginning of a long career...**


	5. Chapter 5

Minato flashed to his wife to find them standing in a bed store, "Ah Minato! There you are, let's pick out some beds!" Kushina excitedly started grabbing his arm and dragging him through to different beds, testing out any that caught her interest.

About an hour later they had four scrolls packed with the bedding supplies, the shop owner was tied up and gagged in a corner. He didn't take kindly to them stealing the beds. Who would have ever guessed?

"Go ahead and drop me off at home, I'll start setting up the beds while you finish shopping with Kakashi," Kushina told him grabbing his arm, he just smiled and hiriashined to the cave. Kushina kissed his cheek and he flushed red before hirashining back to Kakashi.

Kakashi seeing him made an eww sound and Minato rolled his eyes and ruffled Kakashi's hair, "Let's go get your dog supplies now."

With that, the two went to a pet shop and stole everything they needed, except for the food which they would steal from the Inuzuka's. The clan had perfected dog food and nothing else came close. The Inuzuka's kept the recipe a secret and wouldn't share any of the dog food outside the clan.

They were almost done sealing up what food Kakashi figured he needed, mostly puppy chow, when an Inuzuka walked in and spotted them. "Hey!"

Minato snickered, finished sealing up the food, grabbed Kakashi, and hirashined away.

They arrived back in the cave to Kushina setting up the bed in their room. For some reason Kushina insisted they get a water bed. Minato had just wanted a normal bed, but Kushina insisted, once she got tired of it they would just have to steal a normal bed. They had satin sheets that were a garish shade of orange that Kushina absolutely adored. They had a black blanket though at least. Minato at least managed to convince her to get a second set of sheets that were a lovely shade of yellow.

After they finished setting up their bed, Kushina went to cook dinner leaving Minato to set up the beds so he went to Obito's room and set up the queen size bed with his dark blue cotton sheets and matching blanket. The bedframe was a nice spruce wood.

Then he went to Rin's room and set up her twin size bed with her purple satin sheets and blanket with the sakura wood frame.

Finally he went to Kakashi's room and set up his king-size bed, the grey sheets and matching blanket on the mahogany frame. Kakashi was already setting up the dog bowls and toys around the room.

Then forming the hand seals, and brushing some blood on the scroll, he summoned his pack of pups, "This is our new home," he told the little puppies who started wandering around.

The smallest of the puppies, Pakkun, barked. The largest of the dogs, Bull, started wandering around, sniffing everything, and rubbing against Kakashi. Kakashi obliged, and started rubbing his head.

"Dinner's ready!" Kushina's voice echoed through the cave system.

Kakashi pulled out the scroll of food, and poured some into all of their bowls, "You guys should eat while I do."

The eight puppies barked happily and made their way to the food bowls as Kakashi and Minato exited out of the room.

They entered the garden room, where they'd spotted a fire pit earlier. Kushina was happily handing skewers out to the others, assorted greens and chunks of meat lining the skewers.

They finished their meal and all wandered off to bed. Around the middle of the night, Rin woke up needing to go to the bathroom. She wandered around, trying to find Hashirama or Madara's bedroom, and finally managed it. Based on the lack of an Obito across the hall, it was Madara's room.

She knocked on the door softly, and soon the door cracked open a bit.

"What is it?" Madara asked grumpily one of his hands rubbing his eye tiredly.

"Uhm, where might the bathroom be?" Rin asked, a bit nervously.

"Down the hall and to the left there's a room with a bucket. Or you can go outside." He closed the door again, and Rin was left rather confused. How did you go out? Well, outside was preferable, so she headed the way she thought they'd come in.

She got out in around ten minutes and was lost for a good section of it. Really, it was just luck that she managed to make it out of the cave.

She did what she needed to, and walked back into the cave, really hoping to not take as long as she had getting out.

Two hours later, she was seriously considering asking Minato-sensei if she could learn hiraishin.

Finally, she found the garden and breathed a sigh of relief. She knew how to get to her bedroom from here. And so finally, she got back to bed and finally could fall asleep once more.

* * *

Kakashi woke up first, the wriggling puppies that had slept with him waking him up in their haste to get off the bed, and go find outside.

Pakkun barked in Kakashi's face, wriggling his tail, and pointing to the floor. The puppy was too small to get up and down himself so Kakashi had to do it for him. He didn't mind much.

Kakashi had the puppies follow their scent from the day before so they could get out of the cave without getting lost. Even if the puppies said that there was a fresh Rin scent that kept walking off the right path. Kakashi hoped she was not still lost in the cave and decided to check after the puppies were done with their business. He opened his Sharingan to memorize the path outside, so he wouldn't have to get one of his puppies to lead him outside every time.

All the puppies did their business, then started wandering around, playing in any fallen leaves, batting at dragonflies, and yipping at squirrels. Kakashi kept an eye on them, knowing Minato probably wouldn't be up for a good while. It was dawn after all. Obito was unlikely to wake up as well. Rin may not be up for a little bit, but Kushina would be up relatively soon. She'd probably start breakfast, or check his room, then figure he was outside with the puppies.

Idly he picked up a stick, and suddenly, all the puppies' attention was on him, and they circled around his feet, waiting for him to throw it so they could race after it and bring it back. He tossed it away, and the eight puppies raced after it.

* * *

Hashirama woke up and was about to resign himself to another day of sitting next to the garden or sitting in bed, then he remembered the wheelchair. He happily rolled over to where the wheelchair was and managed to get into it with little difficulty.

"I can move!" he said, fairly loudly as he rolled into the garden room where he spotted Kushina, starting up the fire. "Whee! Whee!"

She glanced up, beamed at him, then cheerfully shushed him. "Quiet, Minato doesn't like being woken up in the mornings. His revenge will not be pretty if you do."

Hashirama blinked, "Ah, Madara is always grumpy if he's woken up early as well," He replied nodding his head sagely and falling quiet.

Rin ambled in about an hour later, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She sat down next to Kushina and leaned against her, "I hate this cave. I was lost for the better part of three hours last night."

Hashirama frowned, "That's not good."

"You don't say," Rin muttered, closing her eyes.

"Don't fall asleep yet, I managed pancakes!" Kushina said cheerfully, shoving a plate underneath Rin's nose. "And made blueberry syrup."

She handed a plate to Hashirama as well.

Kakashi wandered in a moment later, taking some of the pancakes and stealing the blueberry syrup pot before Rin got to it, "Yum."

"Give me that," Rin said, trying to snatch the ladle from Kakashi's hands, he obligingly held it as far away from her as he could, making her get up to go get it from him.

"Be nice," Kushina scolded, pulling a few more pancakes off of the pan.

"Uhh, hello?" Obito's voice asked, "Could I get some help?"

Kakashi sighed and went to go help Obito in. He sat Obito down next to Rin and relocated to across the fire pit from the Uchiha.

Kushina happily loaded Obito up a plate of pancakes, and Rin helped get peanut butter and syrup on them.

Minato wandered in next, rubbing his eyes, and running a hand through his hair. Kushina kissed him, then handed him a plate of pancakes.

Kakashi gagged silently as he always did when Minato and Kushina did that, Obito rolled his eyes, and Rin smiled.

Madara wandered in afterward, leaning heavily on his kama. "Oh, Rin, did you find the entrance?"

Rin nodded, "After about ten minutes. Then another two freaking hours to find my way back to bed."

"Take one of my puppies next time," Kakashi suggested. "They can lead you out by scent."

Rin nodded again, sticking a piece of pancake in her mouth. "I'll do that."

They finished their breakfast and then Kushina started to walk around the cave, frowning at the lack of a kitchen and actual plumbing. "We are going to fix this cave up," She declared.

"What about Mikoto and Hanaka?" Minato asked, reminding his whirlwind of a wife about her friends.

"Oh! First let me talk to them, then we can fix the cave up." Kushina latched onto Minato, and he hiraishined them away.

Kushina knocked on the door, and Minato sat down out of sight, figuring his presence was unnecessary.

"Kushina, how did the mission go?" Mikoto asked, as she opened the door.

"Oh, it went wonderfully, and I found Obito! He's recovering now."

Mikoto smiled. "That's wonderful. Is he in the hospital?"

Kushina chuckled nervously. "Uhm, about that, we've sorta been declared traitors, wrongly accused, I might add, and now we're missing-nin."

Mikoto blinked at her. "Alright? So, I'll see you on the battlefield?"

"Sure!" Kushina chirped. "Although you might see us around the village once or twice."

Mikoto nodded and started closing the door. "I'm going to pretend you were never here, alright?"

Kushina nodded, and Minato stood up and grabbed her arm. "Alright, we're going!"

Hanaka's house was next, and luckily, it was Hanaka who opened the door, not her husband Hiashi. Or Hiashi's twin brother Hizashi.

"Oh, Kushina, how did the mission go?"

"Well, Obito is recovering nicely," Kushina told her. "So, uhm, we might have been wrongly declared traitors, so we're all missing-nin now. Just thought you might want to know."

Hanaka blinked, "How did Mikoto respond?"

"She pretended we didn't come," Kushina admitted.

"Then I shall extend the same courtesy," Hanaka said primly. "See you around Kushina."

* * *

Remodeling the cave is exactly what happened over the next month, Minato was used as a transportation mule in order for them to steal all the supplies Kushina wanted so they could tidy up the cave. They may have also kidnapped a plumber and an electrician for a few weeks to set up bathrooms, and the kitchen, but that wasn't a big deal.

Hashirama even made them doors, they were slotted perfectly with the holes already in the cave, and each was made with a wood of the person's choice. Minato and Kushina's door was made in layers as they painted various seals on the door to make sure they had privacy and no sound would escape.

At one point Kushina and Minato went out to go mark hiraishin spots in the direction of the other great villages, they planned on marking the villages later though. For some reason, though they were delayed in coming back, and when Kushina and Minato explained everyone else laughed heavily at the retelling.

Other than the home decorating, and the small adventure, not much else was going on in the cave though. Well except for Madara training Minato in fire jutsu's, but Obito tried not to think about that. He shuddered as he remembered the cackling that would echo off the walls. What was worse was that he couldn't tell which one was Madara's and which was Minato-sensei's.

**(A/N) Happy Birthday to Tobirama! Poor Obito, having to deal with two pyros. I have a poll about the story that will go in FMJ's update spot. Go vote.**


	6. Chapter 6

Onoki grumbled as he was interrupted from his paperwork, "What?!" He snapped out, he had told his secretary that he was not to be disturbed!

"Sir! I thought you would want to see this," one of his ninja said, he didn't know his name. He wasn't like that tree hugger who knew every ninja in his village. The ninja handed over a bingo book that was open already.

Onoki looked down at the page and then blinked. He tried to dispel a genjutsu, then blinked again as the page didn't change. "Are you telling me... that Minato Namikaze, the yellow flash… the one who single-handedly slaughtered a platoon of our ninjas a few weeks ago, is a missing-nin?"

"Yes," The ninja stated nodding.

"Why would he leave Konoha?"

The ninja shrugged, "His wife and students have apparently left Konoha as well."

"Gather some ninja and go track Namikaze down, let's see if he will be willing to join us," Onoki smirked, "Konohagakure's loss is our gain."

"S-sir? But… what if he kills us?"

Onoki glared at the ninja, "Make sure he knows you want to talk then."

"Yes sir," The ninja said with a sigh as he saluted and then left to go gather a team.

The Tsuchikage sighed as he looked back towards the paperwork and started to work again.

* * *

"Sir?" a Kumo ninja asked, knocking on the door frame to A's office. "You might want to see this, it's the new Konoha bingo book."

"And why in Kami would I want to see a tree-hugger's bingo book?" A thundered.

The ninja handed it over, a red-headed woman displayed on the front.

A narrowed his eyes at the entry, "Kushina Namikaze nee Uzumaki went missing-nin? Why?"

The ninja shifted nervously. "Her husband and his students are apparently missing-nin as well."

"Let's see if we can do what we couldn't years ago and get the Red Hot Habanero on our side," A decided. "Get B in here, I want him to lead a team to request that Kushina join Kumo."

"Yes sir!" The ninja said and promptly left.

* * *

"We should put some of my hiraishin seals in other villages," Minato commented one day. "So we aren't just going to Konoha for groceries and stuff."

Rin nodded in agreement. "Are you going to be gone for a while, Sensei?"

Kushina latched onto his arm. "I'm coming with you, then we can cover more villages."

"Don't get too sidetracked," Madara commented, raising a minorly judgmental eyebrow. "I highly doubt this cave is quite ready for kids."

"In a few years perhaps!" Kushina said cheerfully, Kakashi gagging silently behind her. One day Kakashi wouldn't be gagging. One day...

Minato hiraishined to the tag he had placed in their room, and him and Kushina packed up some things for a few day trip across the landscape.

They said goodbye to the others and walked out.

"So, where to first?" Kushina asked, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Let's head over to the Iwa and Kumo border," Minato decided.

They walked along, marking a couple of interesting towns, and a couple of little ponds and such.

All of a sudden, Iwa nin appeared out of nowhere.

Kushina tensed, drawing a weapon, and Minato started forming a tiger seal.

The Iwa nin squeaked in fright and nearly started running around like chickens with their heads cut off. But, one that was a bit braver, or more foolhardy, raised his hands in the air, "We are not here to fight!"

That got all of the Iwa nin focusing, and they stood still once more, except one who was still clearly freaking out.

Minato was about to relax his hands from the hand sign but, footfalls sounded from behind him, and he instinctively shot the fireball he had prepared at their newest friends. When the smoke cleared, they had been rescued by B and his biju.

"Oh, Kami save us…." An Iwa ninja whispered with a wide-eyed stare.

"Oh, sorry about that," Minato apologized with a chirp.

"It's cool you fool! Killer B here sent by A man to request the lovely Habanero, come to Kumo prompto."

Minato sweatdropped, "And you're here, why?" He asked, turning to the Iwa nin.

"Onoki-sama requests that you join us," The more foolhardy Iwa nin said eyeing the smoking trees a bit warily.

Minato and Kushina glanced at each other, holding a silent conversation before they nodded. "Alright, we will talk with your respective Kage's."

The Iwa nin who was all jumpy sighed in relief, "I won't be dying today."

"Probably not!" Kushina agreed with a chirp.

The Iwa nin hid behind one of his friends, who shoved him roughly, nearly sending him to crash into Minato, who stabilized him.

"See you in a bit!" Kushina chirped, heading off with the Kumo nin.

"Bye Kushina my love!" Minato said as he wrapped an arm around the Iwa nin and walked towards Iwa with a large, slightly maniacal, grin. "Now now, you shouldn't push your comrades," he mock scolded the Iwa nin who had shoved the one he now had an arm around. The shover whimpered and Minato just smirked self-satisfied as they made their way to Iwa.

* * *

Kushina pranced off, slinging an arm around Killer B. "Word of advice from the fuzzball, stop rapping, it does you no favors."

B shrugged, knocking Kushina's arm off, "But, I be the best B, when I am rapping me, wheee!"

Kushina blinked a couple of times, "Uhh, right…" she wandered off to another Kumo nin, and stage whispered, "Does he always do that? Like, all the time all the time? I thought it was just on the battlefield!"

The Kumo nin winced, "Yes it is all the time…"

Kushina shuddered, "I am very sorry for you."

He just gave a nod, "It gets harder and harder to tune him out the longer you're near him."

Kushina winced sympathetically, edging to stand a little farther away from B. They started jumping trees towards Kumo. After a while the trees started to thin out and they had to run along the ground.

As night started to descend they decided to camp for the night and Kushina enjoyed others making food for once. At least those were her thoughts until she tried the food. "Are you trying to kill me, Dattebane!?"

She uses her chains to get the Kumo nin away from the cooking pot as she dumps out the trash they called food. Then she made a few clones and started cooking the meal herself. She huffed, if you want something done right, you had to do it yourself.

Kushina served the food and was a bit surprised when she saw some of the ninja seemed to have stars in their eyes as they ate her food.

After dinner was over with they set up camp and she laid in her tent after sealing it up so if anybody tried to come in they would end up hogtied and dangling by their underwear on a pole she set up. She wasn't going to risk this being some sort of trick. Even if they had supposedly come in peace, she was not taking any chances. She was only now wearing on the Kyuubi's nerves trying to befriend him.

She had never thought of befriending the fuzzball before, but Hashirama had insisted that she become friends with the Kyuubi. Hashirama-jiji was awesome, and she didn't want to disappoint him, so she promised she would try. So she had taken to visiting the fuzzball every once and awhile. Mostly she just rambled on about her day and asking questions, annoying the Kyuubi greatly.

With the help of Madara teaching Kakashi and Obito about their Sharingans, the others could visit in the seal as well. Out of all of them, Kyuubi seemed to like Minato the most, Kushina wasn't entirely sure why, she didn't pay attention to them when they were chatting, instead choosing to wander around and explore her own mind.

Finally, she managed to fall asleep.

She woke up and the ninjas continued on their journey, managing to make it to Kumo by the end of the day. "If you will follow me, I will lead you to A-sama's office," One of the Kumo nin said with a grin.

"Alright, sounds good!" She chirped practically skipping after the ninja as she was led through Kumo.

Finally, she was in A's office, she looked around observing the place as A watched her, "Very nice place you got here!" She said with a grin as she casually leaned against the wall and placed one of Minato's invisible hiraishin seals on it.

"Thank you, so let's just cut to the chase, what do you think about joining Kumo?" A asked directly.

Kushina just smiled, "Not going to ask why I'm a missing-nin now?"

"No."

"You're not worried that if you took me in I would do the same to Kumo?" She asked curiously.

"Should I be?"

"Well, that depends, what do you think happened?" Kushina questioned, wondering what people thought of their defection, what did the bingo books say about them being missing-nin?

"The bingo book doesn't say much, just that you left. You also have a kill on sight order," A said pulling out the book and showing her the page.

Kushina was left oddly disappointed after seeing her bingo page, it barely mentioned her ninja skills, just her bloodline ability of her chains. She had a lot more skills than just her bloodline!

Her hair shifted in a non existent breeze as her anger spiked a bit. She took a deep breath though. "Wow, Junior is really mad at me. A kill on sight order! Just for me!"

"Junior?"

"Danzo Junior," Kushina agreed, smirking smugly. "I guess he really was mad I found out that he's a junior."

A frowned, trying to remember where the name Danzo was familiar. "He was one of Sarutobi-dono's teammates back in the second war, wasn't he?"

"Yep, and now he is Sarutobi's Advisor!" Kushina said cheerfully, she could see that A was memorizing this info for use if he ever came across Danzo. "So why should we join Kumo? Do keep in mind that Iwa is talking with Minato right now…"

"After a small probationary period you and Minato would become jounin, while the students can become chunin, and you would be able to rebuild the Uzumaki clan."

"Kakashi was already a jounin though before we went missing-nin," She quickly countered.

"Then he will be a jounin," A agreed.

"So, how would rebuilding the Uzumaki clan work?" She asked A.

"Well, we would begin by picking out some surrogates to carry your children, which would be made by mixing your embryos with other suitable donors."

Kushina narrowed her eyes at this.

"Of course you would still carry yours and Minato's child," A explained seeing her narrowed eyes. "Once you become pregnant you can relax at home to make sure nothing goes wrong with the pregnancy, then when the child is born you won't have to worry about us ordering you on missions. This way you can focus fully on caring for the child."

As A continued on his speech Kushina's anger rose higher and higher and her hair started to fly up and then separate, "Are you telling me that you don't think I can handle myself on the battlefield!"

"Of course you can take care of yourself, but there is no need for you to risk injuring your child," A spoke calmly as if what he was saying was perfectly rational.

But, to Kushina, all she heard was him saying that she wouldn't be able to protect herself and her baby, she wasn't weak! Plus the idea of other women carrying her children felt wrong. "Why would I have to stay at home after my child would be born?" She growled out.

"Why wouldn't you stay at home?" A asked puzzled. "You would be a mother, so you will need to take care of the child."

"How dare you! I am not just a stay at home civilian! I am a kunoichi and I will not stand for being insulted as such!" She snarled and turned on her heels storming out of the office, red hair flying behind her in nine sections.

People screamed as she stormed down the street, "It's the Red Hot Habanero! Run for your lives!"

"Oh Kami! Why is _she_ here!?"

"Can't protect my own child my backend!" Kushina muttered mutinously. "They freaking run before me, and you say I can't take care of a child and go to the battlefield!?"

Suddenly she stopped cold and she grinned, "I'll just have to teach A a lesson."

With the thought of pranks on her mind, her anger dissipated to be replaced with vengeful glee. She would show them. Kushina started digging through her pockets for her prank supplies scroll. Ignoring the empty street. She carried it with her all the time for a reason, after all.

Now, what should she prank first? She looked around Kumo, the Raikage office was in the biggest building that was built in the mountains. Slowly she devised a plan, but she needed to wait a few more hours for the night to fully come.

When night finally arrived she summoning up a massive amount of shadow clones and sent them off. On all the windows she smudged her fingerprints, and she drew seals everywhere she could in invisible ink that would go off randomly shooting out confetti and streamers, by the time the sun started to rise back up she and her clones had put millions of the seals all around Kumo, and all of the windows were smudged. They would have the confetti seals going off for the next half year!

With her revenge done for now, she left Kumo with the sun casting her shadow over the village hidden in the clouds.

**(A/N) Crack at its finest. **


	7. Chapter 7

Minato chattered happily as they walked to Iwa, chattering all about how he was getting better at the Great Fireball Jutsu, and how his gramps said it was already bigger than most Uchiha's!

The poor Iwa nin he had captured with an arm slung over his shoulder, nodded along, starting to look very worried when Minato moved on to how big of a fireball his 'gramps' could make.

"Of course, he can do a bunch of other Katon jutsu, not just that one. He said that the Great Fireball jutsu is a good starting point for all the others! Including this one gramps says he can make several hundred feet long, but won't demonstrate until my other grandpa is feeling better and we can actually put out the fire."

The Iwa nin looked about ready to faint at that, his face very, very pale.

"I'm really excited to learn more fire jutsu's… I can't believe I haven't learned about them until just this past month! Jiraiya-sensei for some reason never did teach me any fire jutsu's despite them going along well with our toad summons. Kushina thinks there's probably a reason they didn't teach me them, but I can't for the life of me think why they'd do that. Kakashi thinks it's because they didn't want me burning down Konoha, something about how I'm a bit too good at them. I always did have problems with water jutsu, but I figured that was because it was not my main affinity, well, turns out I have an affinity for it now, but that's just because I developed one due to all the water jutsu I learned."

On and on he went, the Iwa nin getting paler, if that was even possible, he was already white as a sheet when Minato started, as he went into other jutsu he wanted to create, and how they might work.

"I was thinking about a combination jutsu with a toad, they provide the oil and I would do wind and fire. I think the result would be spectacular! What do you think?"

"U-uhm, I'm sure it w-w-would be e-explosive," the Iwa nin stuttered out.

Pitying looks were sent to Minato's friend, though Minato didn't know why they were looking at his new friend like that. They were looking at his friend like his head was on the chopping block. Minato wasn't that mean, was he? Oh, he was being rude, he should let the Iwa nin have a chance to speak!

"So what about you, what are your favorite jutsu?"

"Uhm, p-probably D-doton: E-earth Flow W-wave."

"Isn't that the one that creates a big tidal wave of earth that you ride on?" Minato asked.

The Iwa nin bobbed his head nervously.

"So, what's your name?" Minato questioned.

"Tadaaki Eiichi," he replied, very proud he'd managed to not stutter while giving his name.

"That's a cool name!"

The Iwa ninja flushed and gave a tentative smile.

"Maybe fix the stutter though, it could be dangerous and cause a jutsu to backfire," Minato advised. "I would know! Kushina once walked up in the middle of training, and I started stuttering, and my jutsu name came out wrong, so it blew up in my face. Luckily, I wasn't hurt, but still. Could be dangerous on the battlefield. Like having a shaky hand in fuinjutsu!"

The Iwa nin repressed a sigh. Fuinjutsu masters were all the same, once you got them started, they _never_ stopped!

"So, you know my hiraishin, right? Oh, you would not believe how difficult it was to piece that together, not to mention adapt it for me! So, the seal breaks you down into your base molecules, right? So this has to be paired with a bunch of other seals that reassemble the person, in addition to actually attracting the molecules to one place..."

Eventually, night fell, and Minato was still chattering on, having moved to a couple of other seals, that they still didn't understand. No matter how much he insisted it was simple.

"Uhm, Namikaze-san, we should get some rest for tomorrow," one of the Iwa nin said nervously.

"Please, feel free to just call me Minato!"

"Uh, right, Minato, then, the fact remains, sleep is required for most people. You should get some rest." The 'and stop talking, _please_' went unsaid.

Minato blinked a few times and looked at the sky, seeing that night had fallen, "Oh jeez! I didn't realize so much time had passed! Right, sorry!"

"It's fine," Tadaaki, who Minato still had an arm wrapped around, said, nervously extracting himself from Minato's grasp to set up his tent.

Minato let him go, turning to set up his own tent, sealed much like Kushina's was, but the traps just knocked them out. Instead of embarrassing them.

Minato slept like the dead. As he usually did.

Tadaaki was less lucky. He barely slept for a rather irrational fear that the Yellow Flash, the scary person that seemed almost like an entirely different personality, would come and kill him in his sleep.

In the morning Tadaaki was fairly obviously sleep deprived. Minato, being the freaking massive mother hen that he is, started fussing over him at the soonest opportunity, not at all noticing the pitying looks start anew.

"Are you okay? It looks like you didn't get enough sleep!"

Tadaaki wished that he was not in this spot. He did not need mothering, he was a jounin for Kami's sake! And now he could hear the snickering starting up among the other jounin. Screw them all, Tadaaki wanted to see them in this position.

Minato heard the snickering and whispered to Taadaki, "Should we prank them?" He placed a hand on Tadaaki's shoulder and marked him with his hiraishin seal.

"U-uhm n-no, it's okay," Tadaaki said.

"Are you sure? They have been giving you odd glances…"

"They're j-just not u-used to having the Y-yellow Flash being s-so… nice."

Minato blinked, a confused frown on his face, "Why wouldn't I be nice?"

"Uhm, w-well, it's j-just that o-on the battlefield i-is the only t-time we've e-ever seen you, s-so I'm sure you can u-understand."

"Ah! Should I start chatting more in fights then? Jiraiya-sensei always told me I shouldn't talk during a fight though…"

"W-well, it's just that u-usually you aren't nice to y-your enemy. It's v-very off-putting."

"Really? I always thought I was nice, I usually killed them quickly instead of prolonging their deaths like others."

"T-that's a different k-kind of nice."

"How else would you be nice on a battlefield?" Minato questioned puzzled.

"You usually aren't," another Iwa nin said, coming in to save Tadaaki. Apparently, he'd finished snickering at them.

"Then why are you guys worried, we're not on a battlefield right now."

"Would you immediately trust, er, what's a known Konoha enemy? Hanzo? Yeah, him. Didn't he try and kill your sensei?"

Minato stared at them and raised an eyebrow, "Besides that Iwa is a known enemy and I'm trusting you? I suppose I would trust Hanzo after he proves he's really not planning a trap," Minato answered nodding sagely.

"Well, wouldn't you be at least a little off-put if he started acting nice? I mean, you already have this one image of him, basically ingrained, and here he is, putting up an entirely different image."

"Nah."

"Erm, well, most people can't just override an ingrained image like that."

"Really? Kushina isn't like that, nor is Obito, Kakashi, or Rin. Or gramps and grandpa."

"Uh, I think that's a Konoha thing," a third Iwa nin offered. "You are kinda raised like that, right?"

Minato gave a pause at that thinking about it, "Maybe," He finally agreed.

"Known as tree-huggers for a reason," the second one quipped.

"I mean, I've always tended to cut down trees with wind jutsu's… and now I'm burning them much to grandpa's despair… I don't think that would classify me as a tree-hugger."

The entire Iwa contingent simultaneously facepalmed.

"It doesn't mean you literally hug trees," a fourth said, laughter evident in his tone.

"Konoha is known for its trees, right? You're also known as the crazy people who don't give a kunai that someone just betrayed you, and happily start 'hugging' them," the second said, placing quotations around the 'hugging'.

"Really? Who would ever think that, if someone betrayed me I would torment them for years until they beg me for mercy and death, and then I wouldn't give it to them," Minato said with a wicked smile.

All Iwa nin decided to take a few steps backward at that, moving their hands as far away from their kunai pouches as possible without looking like they had their hands in the air.

"Well, you still look for peace, and Hiruzen Sarutobi often could leave the other nation with nothing, but gives them a chance to redeem themselves and get back on their feet. All previous shinobi wars coming to mind."

Minato gave a thoughtful look, "Well Sarutobi was only in charge at the end of the last great war after Tobirama was killed on his way to make peace with the Raikage. But I suppose Sarutobi tries to make peace with the other villages in order to keep the status quo. If Konoha did, in fact, wipe out the other villages then people would think we are power-hungry and all that and would revolt."

The Iwa nin all sweatdropped.

"Y'know what, just drop it. Nevermind. We are clearly terrible at explaining this," the second Iwa nin said, sighing.

Minato just gave a nod. He was only quiet for a few minutes before he started questioning them about Iwa's political climate. The Iwa ninja suppressed groans but obliged Minato in answering his questions as they continue their journey.

It was only later that evening when Minato stopped talking in the middle of his sentence, causing nearly all of the Iwa ninja to look at him in shock. Minato froze in his run and gave a full-body shudder, terrifying the Iwa ninja. "Someone… Someone just pissed of Kushina…"

Tadaaki noticed the stares of his fellow shinobi begging him to do something, and internally wondered 'why me?' He pulled on Minato's sleeve a bit, trying to get him to move.

Minato's gaze snapped to Tadaaki's and he just continued to stare spacing out for another moment.

Tadaaki suppressed a shudder at the empty stare. "Uhm, w-we need to keep moving if we w-want to reach Iwa with any speed."

"Right! I pity whoever just pissed of Kushina," Minato said springing back to life as if nothing happened.

"Probably the Raikage," the Iwa nin Minato had been talking to earlier muttered. "He has a habit of disregarding kunoichi. And offering to start clans in Kumo."

Minato nodded, "You are right then, if he made that sort of comment to Kushina I would be surprised if Kumo is still standing by the end of the day."

"And they haven't set her on us yet," another Iwa nin muttered under her breath. "Thank Kami."

"Well only Kumo has really earned Kushina's ire before, you know they kidnapped her when we were younger? I went to go rescue her only to find that she escaped all by herself," Minato told them with a dreamy sigh. "Kushina really is the perfect woman."

The Iwa nin all simultaneously suppressed groans, and were thankful he was talking again, and that it wasn't fuinjutsu again. Or politics.

When they finally stopped for the night, it was a similar struggle getting Minato to stop talking about Kushina, and finally, let all of them go to sleep.

In the morning, he started talking about how different Konoha and Iwa were in climate and geography and continued along that vein until they reached Iwa, and walked to the Tsuchikage's tower, ninja disappearing left and right, muttering different excuses about missing family members and checking their apartments.

Tadaaki sighed and let the secretary know to inform Onoki that Minato had arrived. "Come in!" Onoki shouted after a moment.

Tadaaki walked in, somewhat tuning out Minato who was comparing the different architectural styles of Konoha and Iwa. Onoki, on the other hand, wasn't familiar with chatty Minato and stared in shock.

Tadaaki sighed and nudged Minato who paused, "Onoki-sama," He pointed out with a murmur.

"Oh! Finally!" Minato said turning and grinning at the Tsuchikage. "You wanted to see me?" Minato asked continuing to grin.

"Erm- yes, I wanted to see if you and your team would join Iwagakure."

"Please, kami no," A faint voice cried in the distance.

"Well, what's in it for us? Frankly, I'm pretty happy right now, the only one telling me what to do is Kushina, and we don't have to worry about accidentally destroying Konoha due to a sealing mishap, have I ever told you about the time that we accidentally created a miniaturized black hole? Luckily it destabilized after a few seconds or else the world wouldn't be here right now."

Tadaaki sighed at this.

"That isn't important," Onoki dismissed shaking his head.

Minato narrowed his eyes a fraction.

Tadaaki gulped. "He means it isn't important right now, you can tell me later."

Minato brightened up, "Okay! So what are you offering us to join then?"

"You and Kushina would become jounin commanders after a probationary period, your students will be assessed and ranked accordingly."

Minato nodded thoughtfully, "That's a good start, so what else do you have to offer then?"

Onoki smirked in reply, "What do you want?"

He gave a chuckle in reply, "I want a large mansion and free reign of a training field where I can conduct my experiments. It would probably be better for the village if it was far away, some of my experiments can get out of hand. I also want access to your sealing masters so I can discuss seals with them, and I want to know all of your wind and fire Jutsu's. That's just what _I _want, I'm sure Kushina and my students will have requests, and possibly gramps and grandpa if they want to join in as well."

Onoki blinked, "Let me think on that for a moment, first may I know why you left Konoha?"

Tadaaki glanced up, interested to know this as well, for all the talking Minato did his leaving hadn't popped up.

"Ah, funny thing, you know Danzo?"

"Sarutobi-dono's advisor?"

"Yeah, well we were on our way back from retrieving my student when Junior intercepted us and told us we were traitors, which was a huge shock to me. Like I am not a traitor! How could Sarutobi ever believe that obviously Danzo Junior falsified the evidence, I will make him suffer for that… But yeah, Kushina also seemed to get on Junior's nerves, turns out that Danzo doesn't like being called Junior, who would have guessed?"

"I think most juniors hate being called Junior," Onoki said in agreement. "I'm afraid that your request is impossible to do," Onoki stated after a small pause. He had seen Minato's mouth opening and had decided to say that before Minato could go off on some tangent or another.

"I see…" Minato said thoughtfully. "Welp I suppose I will just have to deny your offer!" He chirped with a grin. "We've found a nice place to live anyways."

He leaned on the table putting an invisible hiraishin on the table, "Thank you for the offer though, I will inform Kushina and the others, maybe they will agree anyways. See ya around Onoki!"

Minato grabbed Tadaaki and dragged him out, "Now show me where the ramen stand is please?"

Tadaaki gave a groan but led Minato to a ramen stand.

**(A/N) Stupidly chatty Minato. Wouldn't freaking shut up. This is why we need Kushina. **


	8. Chapter 8

Minato met up with Kushina a few days later, Tadaaki following behind, rather relieved he was not being held around the shoulders for the entire journey again.

"Kushina!" Minato said happily. "I made a new friend!"

Kushina glanced behind Minato at Tadaaki, who was edging away from Minato, and closer to her, "Oh?"

Minato nodded, "He was listening to my rambling and everything!"

Kushina reached over and patted Tadaaki on the head as he hid behind her. "I'm sure he did."

Tadaaki paled slightly at the touch, remembering Minato's fear at the angry Kushina.

"So, Kushina, who made you mad?" Minato asked innocently.

"Oh, just the Raikage!" Kushina chirped. "Nothing much!"

"Uhm, K-Kumo's still standing, right?" Tadaaki stuttered, cursing himself that the stutter was back.

"Oh, Tadaaki, your stutter came back!" Minato shook his head. "I thought you got rid of it!"

Tadaaki internally continued his cursing.

"Oh, Kumo's still standing alright," Kushina agreed, "It'll just take a while to clean up the confetti that keeps spraying out!"

"U-uhm, well, since you're here, I r-really should b-be heading back to I-Iwa," Tadaaki stuttered, edging towards Iwa.

"Oh, you don't want to know what the Raikage said?" Kushina asked, tilting her head.

"I'm p-pretty sure I already know w-what he said," Tadaaki said faintly. "Bye!" He abruptly shunshined away, disappearing in a small puff of smoke.

"So what did the Raikage say?" Minato asked as they walked back towards their cave.

"When we get back to the cave," Kushina told him. "I am only saying this once."

Minato happily hugged her and hiraishined them into their bedroom. "Oh, by the way, ramen in Iwa's okay, not as good as yours or Ichiraku's, but it's pretty okay!"

"Minato, honey, I love you, but you need to calm down. You're rambling again."

He shrugged at that, "Sorry?"

Kushina shook her head. "I leave you alone for a week, and this is what happens. If I have to seal your mouth shut for a month again, I will."

Minato shut his mouth abruptly, "Okay."

"Oh, hey, you guys are back!" Hashirama shouted happily, his voice echoing around the entire cave.

"Oh, hey Minato-sensei, how was your trip?" Obito asked, head poking in from the other side of the doorway.

"Aww, Obito, did you learn to walk while we were away?" Minato pouted.

"No, he's still being held up mostly," Kakashi's voice came from the hallway. A mini chorus of barking agreed with Kakashi.

"So, you going to tell us how it went?" Obito wondered, tilting his head.

"Where are Rin and Madara?" Kushina asked instead.

"Uh, I think Rin's trying to reheat one of the meals you left for a late lunch." Hashirama offered.

"I think Madara's helping set the fire. That, or keeping an eye on the electrician, or scaring the plumber," Obito offered.

Kushina nodded, grabbing Minato's hand and dragging him out of the room. "Come on! We just have to find the rest of the group, and we'll tell you what happened!"

They went into the 'kitchen' or rather, what would be the kitchen, once it was done looking like a mess of wires and exposed rock, and found Rin sitting next to a fire, chatting on to the electrician, who was still pale as a sheet.

"If Minato's habit is infectious, I am going to seal all of your mouths shut," Kushina deadpanned. "And you will be communicating in shinobi hand seals for the next month."

Rin blushed slightly and stopped talking after giving an apology, "Sorry, Kushina-nee."

"Where's Madara?" Minato asked.

"I'm right here," the old Uchiha said, appearing in a different doorway then they'd come in. "So, you're back."

"Yep!" Kushina chirped. "Now that everyone's here, we can tell you what happened!

"So, you were kinda gone for a while, did something delay you?" Obito asked, Kakashi setting him down next to the fire.

"You could say that," Minato offered. "I was offered a spot in Iwa. I think Onoki's mad at me for declining."

"I was offered a spot in Kumo!" Kushina chirped, a dangerous light coming into her eyes. "A was being a sexist pig, and so I pranked Kumo extensively."

Madara looked mildly impressed, "What did you do?"

"Oh, not much, just smeared fingerprints and stuff all over their Raikage tower, and drew seals that will randomly spit out confetti for the next half a year."

Minato blinked, "That was fairly tame."

"Well, I was going to head back later, maybe paint some things neon colors, but I need paint for that first. And maybe a whole bunch of eggs, and those specialty seals. The ones that open when a certain condition or conditions are met."

"Maybe we can save that for if Iwa reacts badly," Minato said thoughtfully. "Onoki doesn't take no for an answer very often."

The electrician had fainted at some point, and Obito, who was the closest to him, was prodding him, none too gently.

Kakashi and Rin had similar long-suffering faces on, altogether a bit too used to this sort of thing.

Hashirama chuckled, amused at the pranks, "Sounds like fun! I wish I was more mobile…"

"Not for the Kumo nin!" Kushina trilled.

Madara just smirked, "Of course not."

"So, is the food done?" Obito asked hopefully.

Rin blinked and pulled the tinfoil wrapped package out of the fire. "Yeah, should be."

* * *

"Kakashi!" Minato called a few days later, walking around outside. Kakashi had taken his puppies for a walk, and hadn't come back yet. "It's dinner time, and you know how much Kushina hates it if someone isn't there for dinner!"

Minato frowned. Usually, that worked, Kakashi would come running, all eight little puppies trailing after him. It was the day he had all of them summoned all day, both for training them and to build-up his chakra reserves.

Minato sighed, crouching down and putting his hand on the ground. He spread out his senses, looking for Kakashi and his pack's chakra signatures. They weren't anywhere nearby, so he gradually stretched his senses to as far as they would go. Kakashi wasn't anywhere in his range, but there was a cluster of signatures, rapidly moving out from his range in the direction of Iwa.

He flashed back into the cave and found Kushina watching the plumber. "It's _time._" Minato stated with a smirk stretching across his face, "For plan Egg Hunt. "

A similar smirk spread across Kushina's face, clearly scaring the plumber. "Oooh, I've been waiting for this..."

Kushina took in a deep breath, and Minato covered his ears. "Oh Jiji~!" she sang. "It's time for Plan Egg Hunt! Watch the plumber for me would you?"

"Coming dear!" Hashirama called back.

"I'll go get the seals," Minato offered before he made his way to their room to grab the sealing supplies.

Hashirama poked his head in, then wheeled himself in, "Have fun, and make some of them really difficult for me. They shouldn't kidnap our Kaka-chan!"

"Nope!" Kushina exclaimed, taking Minato's offered arm. "See you in a bit Jiji!"

Minato found the seal he'd placed on the outskirts of Iwa, and hiraishined there. "Have fun Kushina!"

She grinned mischievously, "Oh, I will."

Minato found the tag in Onoki's office, discovered Kakashi was in there as well and hiraishined over.

"Hello, Onoki!" Minato enthused brightly. "Hello, Kakashi-kun, you went missing! We were worried."

Onoki narrowed his eyes, "Minato. You will work for us, or the brat gets it."

"Aww, so mean," Minato pouted. "How about, you let Kakashi-kun go, and I'll tell you the location and conditions of some of the eggs my wife is placing.

"Eggs?" Onoki questioned, his narrowed eyes turning from anger to confusion.

"Did you really think we'd let you get away with stealing our student?" Minato asked, raising an eyebrow as he crossed his arms. "You're getting pranked! My wife is hiding eggs all around Iwa right now, and most of them have conditions for you to find them. It's a glorified ninja easter egg hunt!"

"You will call off your wife Namikaze, or do you want your student to be killed?"

Onoki had hardly blinked, and the ANBU was dead, and Kakashi was safe with Minato. "You were saying?" Minato challenged sweetly.

The old man's huge nose flared out in anger, "How dare you kill one of my ninja's Namikaze," the Tsuchikage stood up, clearly preparing to fight.

They all heard faint cackling in the distance, "Oh, looks like my wife is done."

Minato smirked and then turned around and mooned Onoku, stunning the Tsuchikage and allowing Minato to hiraishin away with Kakashi.

* * *

As it was, it did not take forever for the electrician and the plumber to finish their jobs.

When Madara got the news that they were done he grinned and called for Obito and Kakashi to meet him in front of the plumber and electrician who were now tied up, "Alright boys, I think it is time you learn a few tricks of the Sharingan. Such as using it to lock memories behind layers of genjutsu so that a person can not access them without difficulty, now some people are more resistant to this than others, and sometimes if your will is weaker than theirs the genjutsu will unravel. Of course if you botch it up really badly you can scramble a person's brain and leave them as nothing as a drooling husk."

Obito actually reared back, disgust evident on his face, "Why would you do that?"

Kakashi was interested and quite ready to put on the emotionless mask he'd created as a kid. "Not on purpose dobe."

"Well you can do it on purpose if you want," Madara blithely informed.

"Now, follow my instructions, stare into the person's eyes with your Sharingan and focus on the memories you want to lock away," He instructed slowly, giving them time to do as he said. "Once you have these memories start pushing them away and then starting creating genjutsu's, the most basic one would be to make it so the person gets a slight headache if they start trying to remember it. You can also have it divert to other memories. Making the person think of something important to them so they think about other things. In these memories triggers would include our names, so you can make it so if the person hears one of the triggers are reminded of something else."

Madara paused and after a few moments pause continued, "Once you have created these genjutsu's release the memories and pull out of the mind carefully," Madara winced as he saw Obito quickly look away, ripping himself out of the person's mind. With a sigh he finished what he was going to say, "If you go too fast you can damage the person's brain, leaving them a drooling husk."

Obito turned and gaped at him in pale horror as Madara gave a pointed look at him. Kakashi blinked a couple times as he pulled out of the electrician's mind. The electrician fell unconscious. They looked at the plumber who was just staring with a blank expression in his eyes.

Madara gave a couple claps, "Good job Obito, you made a husk."

Obito squawked loudly, jerking back, "What do I do now!"

"We dump his body somewhere for the animals to feast on," Madara deadpanned with a careless shrug.

Obito squawked again, "WHAT?!"

Kakashi blinked, "Well I guess we should get Minato-sensei here then."

Minato appeared in the doorway, "Is everything alright? I heard Obito's shouts from down the tunnel."

"Obito was being impatient and left that guy a drooling husk," Kakashi said callously, jerking a thumb at the plumber.

"I'm very proud of you Obito!" Minato chirped, patting the boy's head.

"WHY?!"

"I've never scrambled someone's brain before," Minato replied with a bland smile.

"You do it next time then! I don't wanna!"

"Hmm, I should look into creating a seal for that then..." He mused thinking of how such a seal would work.

Obito squawked again.

Rin poked her head in. "Is something wrong? I could hear Obito's squawking from across the cave."

"No, nothing's wrong," Minato said with a smile. "He's just being dramatic."

"I SCRAMBLED SOMEONE'S BRAIN!"

"See. Dramatic."

Rin gaped for a couple of seconds, then chuckled and went to hug Obito. "It's okay Obito, I'm sure you didn't mean to."

Madara snorted, "He should have listened to my instructions."

Obito pouted.

"So, who's gonna kill that guy and get rid of the body?" Kakashi wondered.

Minato stared at the body, "I'll go drop him off in the Forest of Death, the animals can eat him."

"But we don't want him screaming and drawing the attention of the Konoha nin," Kakashi said reasonably.

"It's the Forest of Death, they won't investigate."

"I think it would still be better if we killed him first, the scent of blood would get rid of him faster," Rin offered.

"You're right, you want to kill him then?"

Rin sighed, "Might as well get it over with. First kill now instead of on the battlefield where it can get me killed."

Obito whimpered, and she patted him on the head.

Minato nodded, "Let's go to the Forest of Death, and you can try your offensive medic ninjutsu."

He placed a hand on both Rin and the plumber and hiraishined to the forest of death. "Alright now, you can go ahead and do it, I would suggest going fast and getting it over with," Minato said, offering a piece of advice to his student.

Rin just gave a resolute nod and her hand became coated in green chakra and she jabbed her hand towards the plumber's heart. The chakra fluctuated and his chest exploded in a spray of red, covering Minato and Rin in blood.

She gave a startled shriek.

Minato blinked and then shrugged, it wasn't the most gruesome death he had seen, in fact, it seemed like it had been fairly painless for the plumber.

"Woah! That was epic!" A young purple-haired girl said, racing into the clearing.

"Who are you?" Rin asked, wiping blood off of her face, causing the droplets to smear.

"Anko!" the girl chirped.

"Anko, what have I told you about rushing off?" Orochimaru asked, walking into the clearing, a massive black snake slithering next to him. "Minato Namikaze. What a surprise. Last I heard, you went missing-nin."

"Mhmm, we have!" Minato confirmed with a grin, a hand on Rin's shoulder.

"And you are dropping off a body in the Forest of Death."

The snake's tongue flicked out, "Orochimaru-ssama, that is the misssing plumber." The voice was female, rasping slightly.

"I can see that," Orochimaru agreed. "What did you have against him?"

"Oh nothing, there was a bit of a Sharingan mishap… not too big of a deal."

"Would I be correct in assuming young Obito?"

"Yes, sometimes that boy is just too hasty for his own well being," Minato said then tacked on, "Or others."

Orochimaru nodded, "Am I to assume you abducted him to do some work for you? And you would have a hand in that missing electrician a few weeks ago?"

"Yes you would be correct, luckily for the electrician, Kakashi is a bit better in following instructions. Would you like the electrician back?"

"I would be unable to take him back, Danzo has accused me of doing unethical experiments on Konoha shinobi. The unethical was correct, but all unethical experiments I do are on prisoners of other nations."

Minato gave a nod, "I see, so Junior is at it again… I wonder why he is framing loyal Konoha ninjas…?"

"I am going to assume you are referencing Danzo with the 'Junior' remark. I do have a hypothesis, based on those framed."

"Yes, he is Danzo Jr. and oh? What is your hypothesis?"

"You, Kushina, and I were all candidates for Fourth Hokage. I believe he wants the Hokage seat, and is taking out competition."

"Yes, that does seem like him," Minato agreed. "If you've been framed as well, perhaps you would like to join us in our little home we have made?" Minato offered with a smile.

**(A/N) Oh, Minato... Anyway, it's Chouza's birthday today! Y'know, Choji's dad. **


	9. Chapter 9

"_Yes, that does seem like him," Minato agreed. "If you've been framed as well, perhaps you would like to join us in our little home we have made?" Minato offered with a smile._

"And my apprentice?"

"Is of course welcome! She would fit right in! I'm sure Jiji and grandpa wouldn't mind a couple extra people."

Rin blinked, "How old are you Anko?"

"Almost seven," she replied happily.

"Seven in nine months," Orochimaru corrected. "She will turn seven in October."

Minato just chuckled, "Children, always wanting to be older than they are…"

Rin shrugged, "Not too far off of Kakashi, just about five years or so."

"That's a pretty big age difference," Anko said doubtfully.

"Anko, you were just complaining to me about how immature your classmates were. I'm sure you'll be fine," Orochimaru said smoothly.

Rin gave a chuckle, "She will probably get along well with Kakashi then, he often thinks we're immature, and we're a year older than him!"

Orochimaru turned to Minato, "Would you mind if I borrowed her occasionally? Often there is a death that could have been prevented if I was better at medical ninjutsu."

"E-erm, I guess I don't mind if I can help save lives."

"Perfect! Seems little Rin-chan would like to help you!"

"Shall we go?" Orochimaru queried, raising an amused eyebrow.

"Of course, come on over here and grab a hold."

Orochimaru walked over and placed his hand on Minato's shoulder, the snake slithering over to wrap around Minato's feet slightly. Anko, being the short little child she was, just grabbed onto his pants.

Minato then focused and found the hiraishin on Obito and hiraishined over to his student. They appeared behind Obito, "We're back Obito-kun!"

Obito spun around, and freaked out, "AHH! SNAKE!"

"Her name is Sauda," Orochimaru said smoothly, an amused lilt to his voice.

"SNAKE SANNIN!" Obito shouted, startling and crashing straight into Kakashi sending them both tumbling to the ground.

Kakashi rolled his eyes and shoved Obito off of him, "Get off!"

"Now now, Obito-kun, there is no need to shout to our guests," Minato scolded.

"BLOOD!" Obito finally managed, his voice squeaking.

Orochimaru looked amused, "Ah, yes, Minato-san, would you like a water jutsu shot at you to clean you off?"

"What is all the racket?" Madara questioned coming into the room and leaning on his kama as his eye roamed over the scene.

Obito stuttered but didn't actually manage to get anything out.

Kakashi sighed long-sufferingly, "Sensei and Rin went to dispose of the plumber, and picked up a pair of people, and a snake."

"I thought Madara Uchiha died long ago?" Orochimaru asked, raising an eyebrow.

Madara smirked, "Obviously, you thought wrong."

"Obviously most of the world thought wrong," Orochimaru agreed.

"Most of the world seems to be under the impression that Hashirama is dead as well," Minato commented shaking his head.

Orochimaru looked interested, "He is not?"

"Grandpa is still alive and kicking, just like Jiji!"

Rin made an 'eh' noise. "Well, rolling. He needs a wheelchair."

Orochimaru blinked, "My last experiment was with his cells. I was attempting to reproduce the mokuton."

"Oooo! Grandbabies?!" Hashirama questioned as he rolled into the room.

Orochimaru repressed the urge to roll his eyes, "Sure. If you wish."

Hashirama squealed.

Anko stared at Hashirama, "The history books did not mention his personality. I see why now."

A depression cloud formed over Hashirama's head.

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, "That is hopefully not genetically linked to the mokuton."

Madara shrugged, "It might be, since there has never been another mokuton user we don't know, neither Hashirama's daughter or granddaughter ever had the depression cloud or the mokuton to my knowledge."

"The mokuton is not able to be awoken by females," Orochimaru said cooly.

Hashirama looked surprised, the depression cloud vanishing, "Really? Huh, I never knew that."

"The activation sequence is carried in the Y-chromosome. If your granddaughter ever had male children, they would have the potential for awakening the Mokuton."

While Orochimaru started to explain the science mumbo jumbo about genetics to Hashirama, Minato went and dropped the electrician at the gates of Konoha before hiraishining back.

Minato got back just in time to hear Kakashi's question.

"Can you test us for dormant bloodlines?"

"Sure, there is a chance that you or Rin could have dormant bloodlines," Orochimaru replied.

"Or Minato-Sensei!" Rin added. "Or Anko!"

"Perhapsss," Sauda agreed. "Anko-ssama is a sspeaker of Hebi no sshita, tongue of sssnakess."

"Hebi no shita?" Obito parroted questioningly.

"I can understand snakes," Anko explained. "I'm working on being able to speak to them in their native tongue."

"Cool!" Obito enthused.

Orochimaru, having stabbed Minato and drawn blood from him, walked over to Kakashi and stabbed him with his large needle attached to the syringe, and drew blood from him. He pocketed the syringe, and walked in front of Obito to stab Rin.

"Eep!" Obito squeaked out in surprise.

"Wow," Anko remarked sarcastically. "You're observant."

Orochimaru paid Obito no heed as he drew blood from Rin, "Would you happen to have a room I can use for my experiments?"

"Of course," Madara said with a nod. "If you need to go anywhere just ask Minato, he can take you to get supplies or anything."

"If you're doing human experimentation, please put up silencing seals! I had enough of hearing screams from Tobirama's experiments," Hashirama pleaded.

"That can be arranged," Orochimaru agreed.

Minato frowned, "Where is Kushina anyways, I would have thought she would be here by now?"

"Speak my name and I shall appear!" Kushina exclaimed, appearing in the doorway. "Aww, where did you pick this little cutie up?"

"From the Forest of Death."

Kushina pinched Anko's cheeks, "Aww, so cute!" She cooed. "So, why were you in the Forest of Death, and why was the Snake Sannin there?"

"Oh, Obito fried the plumbers brain, and Junior was up to his tricks again," Minato answered.

"Ah," Kushina said wisely, "That explains it."

Orochimaru walked over to Kushina and stabbed her with a syringe.

"What was that for, dattebane!"

"I am testing for dormant or latent bloodlines at their request."

"Oh! Interesting!"

"It's starting to get late, we should probably have Orochimaru and Anko set up their rooms. Minato, can you go get some beds for them?"

"And perhaps find a few of my labs at some point. I would appreciate my equipment. I need it to test your blood samples."

Minato just nodded, used to being the pack mule for the others, "Sure, is there any specific bed you want?"

Orochimaru shook his head. "I do not care. I am not picky."

"A soft bed! With lots of pillows! And plushies!"

"Any color?"

"I want every kind of color!"

Minato nodded. "Alright, every kind of color it is." He hiraishined away.

"I'll get dinner," Kushina said, brushing past the group to access the kitchen appliances. "Oh, and Rin dear, go wash up, I don't want you getting blood everywhere if we can help it."

"Oh!" Rin blushed, and walked out of the room.

Sauda hissed in amusement.

"Why were Rin and Minato, covered in blood anyways?"

"Obito failed to successfully repress the memories of the plumber and destroyed his mind. Rin and Minato took him to the Forest of Death, and Rin struck him with a technique and exploded his heart."

"WHAT?" Obito squawked.

"Oh yeah, it was epic!" Anko continued describing how exactly the heart exploded and spattered blood everywhere. She enjoyed watching him get paler and paler until he fainted.

"Anko, dear, since you made him pass out, you get to drag him into his room. Then come back, I have dango left over."

"DANGO!" She cheered and vanished with Obito. She reappeared a moment later still carrying Obito, "Erm, where is his room?"

"Go out that door there, then it's the first bedroom on the right," Kushina told her.

"Thanks!" With that she vanished again, appearing a minute later without Obito.

Kushina smiled and opened the fridge to pull out a plate of Dango. She handed it to Anko, then went back to cooking. "Oh, Orochimaru, do you have a favorite food?"

"Eggs," the Snake Sannin replied. "Where would empty rooms be?"

Seeing that Kushina was busy cooking, and that the students were still getting familiar with the cave, Madara sighed, "Follow me, I will show you."

He got up and led them further down the hall, where they had set up some extra rooms, it had mostly been planned for future children, but could work as rooms for anyone. "These four rooms are set up with plumbing and electricity. Choose what you want."

Hashirama rolled up next to Madara, "Each room has a small bathroom with a toilet, sink, and a small shower, but near Minato and Kushina's bedroom there is a large bathroom that has a larger shower and a jet tub bath in it."

Orochimaru nodded, walking into one of the rooms, Sauda following close behind.

Anko picked the room across from Orochimaru's.

Minato suddenly appeared next to Hashirama, and handed Orochimaru a scroll, then went into Anko's room to help her set up. They set up the bed, then put the mattress on it, then the rainbow sheets and half a dozen blankets, all different colors of the rainbow, from red to bright purple. Then went the pillows, a good ten or twenty of them, of varying sizes, absolutely delighting Anko. They put pillow covers on the ones that needed them, and Anko hopped onto the bed to arrange the pillows in a nest. The blankets only added to the nest. Finally, was the stuffed animals. Minato has found everything from dragons to snakes, to even a massive bear that Anko immediately decided was her pillow. The one she laid her head on, anyway. A massive snake a bit larger than Sauda followed the bear, and Minato demonstrated that its mouth opened, and allowed Anko to climb inside. It still looked like a stuffed animal, it was just hollow.

Once her nest was all set up, Anko started jumping on the bed, and because the bed was so big compared to her, the nest around the edges wasn't even bothered. "Whee! Whee! Whee!" She shouted with each jump. She collapsed into a pile of giggles. Then, peeking her head over the edge of the nest she stared at Minato with wide eyes, "You're the best Tou-san ever!"

Minato blinked at her, then burst into a beaming grin, "Thanks!"

The next day Minato and Orochimaru returned to Konoha to raid the labs Orochimaru had left behind. They didn't want Danzo to get ahold of the notes Orochimaru had been forced to leave behind.

The first lab was quickly sealed away and then in the second one, Orochimaru spotted signs of an intruder. They found Danzo and some unknown ANBU agents raiding the lab. Springing into action, the ANBU agents were captured, bound, and gagged in prisoner transport seals. They would be useful for experiments.

Danzo glared at them, "I didn't expect to see you waltz back in here traitor. Especially not both of you at once."

"Expectations are subverted every day," Orochimaru quipped calmly.

"I guess I will have to take care of you two myself," Danzo replied getting into battle position.

"If I remember correctly, the last time you tried that, I mooned you and then knocked you out…" With that being said Minato decided to repeat that lovely piece of history, much to Orochimaru's shock and dismay.

Orochimaru moved swiftly, knocking Danzo out with a well-placed chop to the back of the head. "I'll take that," he said, pulling his journal of notes from Danzo's hand, before preparing a prisoner transport seal.

"No, leave him," Minato stated, stopping Orochimaru from sealing Danzo.

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, but put away the seal, "Why?"

Minato gave an evil grin, "I want to torment him, and make him beg for mercy."

Orochimaru sighed long-sufferingly. "If you insist. Let's get to work, I had important experiments in this lab."

After that, they quickly sealed away everything in the lab. Then they went to seal away the last of Orochimaru's labs. Once they finished they returned to the cave and Orochimaru started to set up his lab.\

**(A/N) Isn't this story fun? Don't worry, Danzo will get what's coming to him. **


	10. Important

**(A/N) While this seems a somewhat surprising decision, I assure you it is anything but unthought out. I am, I'm afraid, under a lot of stress. I'm sorry I took so long to inform you, but I will be taking the month of June off from updating. I will be back in July, back with properly scheduled updates. Again, I am terribly sorry, I know you were probably looking forward to some updates, but I feel like I need to do this. No, there won't be an update tonight. I am sorry, but will see you again in July. This has been posted on all my stories, I apologize for the sudden slew of emails. **


	11. Chapter 10

A few days after the lab raids, as Minato has taken to calling them, Orochimaru showed up in the dining area right before lunch and announced he had the bloodline results.

Minato's head immediately swiveled from the food Kushina and Rin were setting out, to Orochimaru. "Oh? What are the results?"

"Well, Kushina, you have a latent mokuton, but you can't awaken it due to the fact you are a girl. The chakra chains are also a bloodline but do only show up in girls."

Kushina nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen for more food.

"What about me?" Minato asked, practically vibrating in his seat.

"You have a latent Sharingan."

Minato sat there and blinked a few times, "What?"

"I believe it is from your mother's side," Orochimaru told him, "You also have latent explosion release from your father."

"We're going to die," Obito groaned.

While Minato sat in stunned silence, Orochimaru continued, "Rin, you do not have a bloodline I can find, sorry. You still have the Sanbi however, and it comes with coral based attacks, I would suggest asking the Sanbi about them."

Rin nodded amicably and followed Kushina back into the kitchen.

Orochimaru looked at Kakashi. "You have a dormant dojutsu. It is a very old one, and the clan that used it was exterminated back in the warring Clans Era. It is not latent like Minato's Sharingan, so it can be activated."

"How?" Kakashi asked suspiciously. "You aren't going to almost kill anyone, are you?

"Oh no, it is much simpler to activate then that," Orochimaru held up a hand, and covered it in lightning jutsu with a spoken jutsu name. "Raiton: Lightning Shock." He tapped Kakashi on the shoulder before Kakashi could get away, and zapped him. Kakashi's body seized up, and he fell out of his seat and onto the ground.

Kakashi glared at him the best he could, his one visible iris and pupil a similar light grey to his hair. The occasional flash of lightning appeared in his eye, and Orochimaru smiled smugly, "Congratulations Kakashi-kun, you have awakened the Soshigan. Dojutsu of the extinct Raiu clan. Minato, I will attempt to work on awakening latent bloodlines, but I will need test subjects."

"Alright, any specific age or types?" Minato asked raising an unconcerned eyebrow.

"Preferably your age," Orochimaru deadpanned. "Unless you want a dose made for a teenager and for it to do nothing."

"Will do, I'll go ahead and get on that after lunch."

Obito stared at his sensei in mild horror. How in Kami was he so… so blase about experimenting on people!

Hashirama must have noticed Obito staring at Minato, because he said, "I think he's related to Tobirama. Only a descendant of Tobirama can be this fine with experimenting.

"Did Tobirama even have kids? History has painted him to be pretty unemotional," Anko commented, tilting her head.

Madara snorted, "Sure he is usually pretty unemotional, but he would screw anyone with breasts."

Hashirama barked out a laugh, "I am sure that he had more kids then he knew about. Hey, Mads, didn't one of your Uchiha get pregnant without a clear father?"

Madara heaved an irritated sigh, "Multiple did. And I am pretty sure that some had husbands and still got pregnant with Tobirama's kid. Stupid Senju."

"What do you mean by screw anyone?" Anko asked innocently, with wide, doe eyes.

"I'll explain when you're older," Minato burst in, frantically trying to shut Madara up with his eyes.

Madara, thankfully, closed his mouth.

Kushina and Rin walked back in, registered Kakashi on the floor, Anko looking innocent, Minato looking rather frantic, and Madara just a touch smug.

"Uhm, what's going on?" Rin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Anko smiled innocently, "Hashi-Jiji was just explaining that he thought Tou-san might be related to Tobirama because according to Madara-jiji, Tobirama would screw anything with breasts. Oh, and Orochimaru-sensei zapped Kakashi with a lightning jutsu, and now his eye is all cool."

Kushina turned her deadly gaze on Madara, "You said what?"

"I said that Tobirama would screw anything with breasts… it is not like I cursed."

Minato squeaked and hiraishined away to abduct people. He hoped that the cave would still be standing when he got back, well it probably would, Kushina was pretty fond of Jiji, she would just make it so he doesn't say stuff like that around children.

Looking around, he realized he was in one of the smaller villages he had managed to tag. Strolling around he looked for men his age and casually bumped into them, marking them with a special hiraishin tag he had made. These ones he could activate to transport the person or thing directly to him.

He had mostly just been thinking of it so he could gather his scattered kunai quickly, but now it came in useful for abducting people. How convenient.

Several hiraishin teleports later, and about 30 adult males marked he went back to the cave by going to Orochimaru's tag. "I have 30 males ready to be transported into the cell, should I put them with the unknown ANBU, or do you have another cell in mind?"

"A secondary cell, for secondary experiments," Orochimaru replied.

Minato gave a nod, "Alright." He went and found the cell which was across from the unknown Anbu then he went inside the cell locking it behind him and summoned the hiraishin marked adults to them. Then he hiraishined out of the cell as the adults started shouting in confusion, some even falling onto the ground as they had been sitting or otherwise preoccupied when summoned. One guy was even naked and soaking wet.

Minato just blinked, shrugged and walked out. Ignoring the prisoners as they noticed him and started demanding answers. He walked up out of Orochimaru's cell rooms and into his lab. "30 healthy males are now yours to have fun with."

Orochimaru gave a nod, "I will have to test them for latent bloodlines. Then I will begin."

"Remember the good old days, when we spared every week Mads?"

Madara chuckled, "Yeah, it was fun, now look at us though, two old men."

"At least we can pass on some of our knowledge before we go…" Hashirama mused in a pensive tone.

"I am glad Kushina found us, Minato is a wonderful learner. He has a real knack for fire jutsu's that I have not seen in many people, even Uchiha," As Madara spoke his voice became fainter as he got further away.

Minato looked at Orochimaru, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I believe so," Orochimaru agreed.

"I'll go get some elderly people then," Minato said with a firm nod.

"The older, the better."

Minato didn't respond except to hiraishin away, now where should he steal old people from… Iwa? Kumo? Konoha? The great villages would be easier to find the elderly home.

Actually he hadn't visited Suna yet, and he did happen to have a tag in that area, he wasn't entirely sure why, after all he had never been to Suna, but a half a year ago or so he had sensed the tag in that location. Probably one of his hiraishin kunai.

He wasn't worried about anyone decrypting his seal, he had hidden his behind even more security seals than Tobirama. Still, it was probably best to reclaim it. With a grin he went to that tag, ignoring the startled squeals of the seal masters who were studying it.

"I'll be taking this back if you don't mind," He jauntily said.

"B-but… we were studying that!" One of them complained.

"It's not your property though."

"I know… the seal work on it is just so complicated though~!" The man whined, staring longingly at the kunai. It was a bit creepy if Minato was honest.

"Bad seal master," Minato scolded, pulling out a newspaper and whacking the guy with it.

Another seal master stared at him, "Where did that newspaper come from?"

Minato raised a judgmental eyebrow, "Fuinjutsu."

He got glares from the two seal masters. Well seal masters according to Suna anyways, these guys were pretty pathetic to Konoha seal masters… or rather former Konoha seal masters.

"Now, don't mind me, I'm just here to steal your elderly people," He informed them with a grin and a wave as he turned and sauntered out of the building, absentmindedly placing a seal that would lock them in. If they were seal masters of decent skill they would be out within ten minutes, tops.

He would later learn that they had died in the room having been unable to escape and no one had been able to get them out either.

Minato strolled down the streets whistling. He wondered around Suna, ignoring the looks from the civilians and the ninja that were 'stealthily' trailing him. Finally, after an hour he found the elderly home. Walking in he sensed the ninja's confusion.

He loved confusing people.

Marking the old people was easy, and he marked everyone he came across, some of them looked like they were already on death's doorstep. After marking everyone he debated hiraishining straight back, but then decided that he could explore Suna a bit more and mark several spots of course.

The arid climate of the desert was completely different from both Konoha's temperate climate, and Iwa's chilly wind. Walking out of the elderly home he continued on with a hop in his step.

Maybe he should see about visiting Snow country soon, he always wanted to build a snow fort and have a snowball fight.

"Minato Namikaze, you are a missing-nin, state your business in Sunagakure," one of Suna's ANBU said appearing in front of him with three other ninja's.

"Oh, nothing much, visiting different places," He answered them waving a hand through the air, enjoying the fact that they tensed at the movement. Seems his reputation preceded him.

"You will be coming with us."

"Why?"

"Because you're a wanted man."

"Take me to your kage than. Or do you not have one? Last I heard Sandaime Kazekage was missing?"

"We have a Yondaime Kazekage."

"That's good! Who is it? Anyone I would recognize?"

"Rasa of Gold Dust."

"Hmm, nope!" Minato stated popping the P, "Never heard of him."

With that he was led into the Kazekage's office.

"Rasa-sama, we have brought you Minato Namikaze."

Minato rolled his eyes, "It's more like I came willingly, I can escape whenever I want after all."

Rasa eyed him and Minato stared back, the Yondaime appeared about the same age as he was, maybe a bit younger by a year or two. "Why were you in Suna?"

"Seeing the sights, gathering supplies for an experiment," Minato answered nonchalantly, plopping himself down on a chair and using the movement to disguise him placing an invisible hiraishin seal in Rasa's office.

"How did you get in Suna? We would have sensed you coming if you had come through the desert."

"Your seal masters were studying one of my kunai."

Rasa frowned and flicked through some paperwork, "They said it was deactivated and you wouldn't be able to teleport to it."

Minato just shrugged, "They're idiots then if they fell for that simple decoy mechanism."

"Please leave Suna and never come back, next time you come you will be arrested on sight," Rasa eventually said with a thoughtful look.

Minato nodded and stood up, "Very well then, if I am going to be arrested next time I visit, then it should be for something I actually did."

He savored Rasa's confused look for a brief second before he mooned the Kazekage and then hiraishined to Orochimaru, stifling his laughter.

The snake sannin raised an eyebrow at him as he pulled up his pants. "What were you doing?"

"I was mooning the Kazekage."

Orochimaru blinked at that, "You mooned the Kazekage?"

"And Onoki and Sarutobi, and of course Danzo."

"I see. Drop the elderly off in the third empty cell."

Minato nodded and went down to the cells and placed the elderly people in the cell. He walked out, enjoying the silence after he passed through the threshold. Silencing seals were so useful.

"So, do you have an idea for where we should start?" Minato questioned.

Orochimaru nodded and explained his thoughts to Minato and the two of them started setting up the first experiment.

**(A/N) Ah, my experimenting children. So cute without their pesky morals. I have 4 more pre-done updates, after that, this one will be replaced, instead of leaving its slot open. As my cowriter is not sure when she'll return to this fandom, this will just be placed on complete hiatus. Do know we intend on finishing this however. Happy Birthday to Izuku Midoirya, Mirio Togata, and Shikaku Nara. **


	12. Chapter 11

Kushina sighed as her husband ran off again. He and Orochimaru had kept running off at odd times, sometimes at the same time, sometimes at different times.

Minato came running back into the room, grabbed Rin, shouted something about needing her, and ran off again, Rin in tow.

It'd only been a couple of months, and the two men had apparently decided that they were best science buddies. And now Rin was dragged into it.

"It's official," Hashirama decided out of nowhere. "Minato is now the forbidden love-child of Madara and Tobirama."

Obito looked distinctly horrified, and Kushina snickered at him. "When exactly did Minato-sensei lose all of his morals?"

"What makes you think he had any in the first place? He's just a mother hen, and kept you from seeing his lack of them. All barriers have now broken due to him not needing to actually pretend he has morals," Kushina told him.

Obito shuddered, "I am very glad he is on our side."

Kushina grinned, "Danzo junior will regret the day he stopped Konoha from holding Minato back. And, don't worry Obito, you'll lose those pesky morals soon enough. Or your sanity. Maybe even both!"

Obito slowly backed away and hid behind Hashirama. "Save me…"

"You're assuming I want to," Hashirama said, grinning slightly maniacally. "I'm friends with Madara and have Tobirama as a brother. Why in Kami do you think I'm sane or have any morals?"

"B-but, you're the founder of Konoha!"

"And I left Konoha to my brother, your point?"

Obito shunshined out of the cave.

Kushina smiled after him, "What do you think he'll do when he realizes that Rin's slowly coming to the dark side with us?"

Hashirama shrugged. "Probably join her. He does seem to have quite the crush on her. Did you hear, Anko managed to tell him all about how one of Orochimaru's experiments had all of their skin fall off. According to the dear, he didn't even faint."

"Oh, that's nice!" Kushina said taking a sip of tea.

"What do you think they're trying to do?" Madara asked, hobbling in.

"Make another mokuton kid?" Kushina suggested. "Your health is declining."

"Nah, not enough coming to me for blood samples," Hashirama dismissed. "They did ask for chakra though, maybe it's the latent bloodline thing? That would require Minato."

"Minato's not excited enough for that. And if they were trying to activate his Sharingan, wouldn't they want mine or Obito's chakra? Where is the kid, by the way?"

"Oh, he shunshined away after Hashirama told him it was bold of him to assume Hashirama was sane or had any morals," Kushina said, waving a hand to dismiss it. "Maybe they're doing something with those ANBU guys finally."

Madara shrugged, "I guess we won't know until they announce they're done."

* * *

One day, a few months later, they all heard maniacal laughing and shivered. That could not be good.

The scientist, the medic, and the fuinjutsu master all burst into the room, "We are geniuses!" Rin crowed.

"Bow before us!" Minato added with an unhinged laugh.

"Not that you didn't realize we were geniuses before, but this takes the cake, I am sure."

Obito stared in absolute horror, perhaps realizing that Rin had finally gone insane and lost all of her morals.

Kushina smiled happily. Finally, she'd have her husband back properly. And whatever they'd succeeded at.

Anko looked at them expectantly, "Well, what is it?"

Hashirama sighed, "I'm afraid I'm not mobile enough to bow before you. If I could, I would."

Madara raised an expectant eyebrow.

Kakashi frowned slightly, "Does this have to do with all of those old scents that turned young?"

Minato deflated, "How could you? You defeated the surprise!" But then he rewarded Kakashi with a grin, "But, you are absolutely correct!"

Orochimaru nodded to Kakashi, "We have been working on reversing age."

"Yep, it was quite difficult to figure out, but Orochimaru understands the properties of chakra like no one else, we managed to utilize the chakra we harvested from Hashirama, Kushina, and the Gedo statue in order to find the elements that help you. For Hashirama his Senju chakra has properties of longevity, for Kushina her chakra holds enhanced healing, and the Gedo statue has been able to help prolong Madara and Hashirama's life. By taking these elements and recombining them we have discovered that we can keep a person at that age indefinitely, so long as they have that chakra. This brought us to our next couple of issues. First, how were we supposed to regularly supply this chakra? I, being the fuinjutsu genius I am have created a seal that takes in nature chakra and breaks it down into the required properties before recombining it and entering it into a person. This means that once it is applied the person stops aging. Of course, this doesn't help with making a person young again, and despite all of our knowledge we needed to know more about the medical aspects of a body, thus we needed Rin, it was her that told us about cells, which reminded Orochimaru of Tsunade's technique. We figured that we needed to reverse the cells and make them young again, and boy did that leave us with several mishaps, we accidentally de-aged a few people into little children, and some just fell apart at the molecular level. It was pretty cool to see, anyways that's not important, what is important is that we managed to create a seal that would make all of the cells young again, at a person's prime age. It is quite painful if the screams were anything to go by, but it is a one time deal after the cell reyouthinizing seal is done we apply the everlasting youth seal and boom! Eternal youth!"

Obito's eyes had glazed over. "Whaa?"

Orochimaru sighed heavily, "We made a seal that reversed age, then made one that keeps someone at the same age they're at the application of the seal."

"Oooh," Obito said, nodding. "I understand now."

"Happy birthday Hashirama, it's your birthday today, is it not?" Rin asked, tilting her head innocently.

"It is," Hashirama agreed, stunned. "You did this all for us?"

"Of course we did! You're family!" Minato chirped.

Madara blinked a few times, his brain rebooting after the science overload.

Anko smiled happily, "Now you guys can stay around forever!"

Kakashi nodded, "The confusing reports Pakkun was giving make sense now."

Kushina beamed at her husband, she got up and stalked towards him gracefully before pulling him into a searing kiss.

Kakashi gagged, "Go into your room before you do that, would you?"

"Do what?" Anko asked innocently. "Kiss?"

"First, we should use the seals, that is if you are willing," Rin said looking at Madara and Hashirama as Kushina pulled away from Minato who had a dazed goofy smile on his face.

"Sure!" Hashirama said excitedly.

"Try not to produce a child during your 'celebration'," Madara said dryly. "The cave is not ready for both of your kind of crazy in one child."

Minato blinked a couple of times shaking his head to clear away the fog, "Ahem, yes, well, you should probably lay down, this will be extremely painful, after that, I will put the eternal youth on you so you can keep your age. Orochimaru and I already have the seals on. Kushina I will draw the seal on you as well. Once you grow up, Kakashi, Rin, Obito and Anko, I will draw the seal then."

"I am so ready to get out of this wheelchair!" Hashirama shouted, wheeling out of the cavern that was the kitchen.

Madara just huffed and followed Hashirama, leaning heavily on his kama.

Minato followed, humming a tune under his breath. They went to Hashirama's room first and helped him onto the bed, "The seal needs access to either your chest or your back, do you have a preference?" He asked Hashirama.

"My back," Hashirama said taking off his shirt before laying down on his stomach.

Minato nodded and carefully started to draw the complex seal, "After the seal is done it will automatically disappear."

After a few minutes pass Minato stopped, "Are you ready?"

"Yes!" Hashirama insisted. "I am ready to be mobile again!"

"Brace yourself then," Minato said before activating the seal.

An ear-piercing scream filled the air a split second later as Hashirama's body started to contort and bubble. Minato's expression remained calm throughout it, he had seen this process before and knew it was normal.

Madara blinked at the sight, "Hn, it does look and sound painful." He grimaced, likely remembering that he would be going under the seal next.

Obito crashed into the room, and immediately made a strangled, half-choked, screech.

Kushina got in next, and wrinkled her nose at the sight.

Kakashi gagged and closed his eyes immediately, managing to slap a hand over Obito's eye, as apparently, Obito was too shocked to close his own eye.

"Let me through!" Anko shouted trying to get past Kakashi who was standing in the doorway.

"Uh, let's go play with Pakkun and the other puppies instead," Kakashi said, turning away and herding Anko down the hall with Obito.

Hashirama gave one last scream before falling silent as his body slumped down, his skin bubbling for a minute more before it stopped, before them lay a younger Hashirama, his hair brown, and his skin tan and wrinkle-free.

"I'll draw the eternal youth seal once he wakes up, I forgot to ask him where he would like it placed," Minato commented before turning towards Madara and they made their way to his room.

"Where would you like the seals?"

"Back for the reyouthinizing seal, and the eternal youth seal can be on the back of my neck."

Minato nodded and repeated the process of drawing the seal on Madara and watching as he became younger before his eyes. Long white hair that was knotted and stringy became black and thick, luscious with a shine. Old wrinkled skin tightened, becoming the flesh of a younger man.

Once Madara stopped screaming and passed out the process was finished. Minato brushed Madara's hair to the side and drew the reyouthinizing seal on his neck.

About a half-hour later Minato checked in on Hashirama to see him starting to shift, obviously in the process of regaining consciousness. "How do you feel?" Minato asked Hashirama as soon as his eyes fluttered open.

"MOBILE!" Hashirama decided loudly as he hopped up.

"Calm down Hashi-jiji!" Minato scolded with a laugh, "We still need to put the eternal youth seal on you, it's a permanent seal, so is there any place you would like it?"

"On my wrist," Hashirama decided with a beaming grin.

"Alright," Minato said and took the offered wrist and carefully drew the small looking seal. In fact, he had managed to make the seal look like the kanji for eternal.

Hashirama stared at the seal in wonder for a bit, then hopped up with all the energy of someone stuck in a wheelchair for the last six months, and rushed out of the cavern, "I'm gonna go regrow all those trees you burned down, Minato!"

Minato sweatdropped.

Then he made his way to Madara's room and waited for him to wake up, it didn't take long, only a couple of minutes, but soon he was standing up with a maniacal grin on his face. His hair was poofy in a way that was a lot more impressive than the way his hair had been when he was old.

"Where's Hashirama, I want to spar."

"Oh, Hashi-jiji is regrowing the trees we burned down."

Madara smirked, "Let's go give him some more work to do then, I need to teach you the Majestic Flame Destroyer."

Minato beamed in response, "Yes! More fire jutsu's!"

The two walked out of the cave to see Hashirama regrowing the forest.

"Hashirama!" Madara shouted.

"Madara!" Hashirama shouted back as he turned and grinned.

There was no signal before the two sprang into action, fighting against each other with grins stretching across their faces.

**(A/N) If you try and disagree that they would absolutely fight as soon as they were both of good health then you can fight me. And probably them too. *shrugs* **


	13. Chapter 12

"_Finally!" Obito shouted, "I need your help."_

"Oh, with what?" Kushina asked, face lighting up.

"Well, Orochimaru forgot to mention that non-Uchiha eyes can't activate the Sharingan, so we're gonna go steal my dad's, but you guys have been rubbing off on me, so I want revenge. I'm collecting prank ideas."

"Wonderful! Oh! We could put a gigantic Kyuubi statue on his house!" Kushina enthusiastically suggested.

Obito nodded thoughtfully. "That would be fun, and gives Hashirama more of a reason to come along."

Minato bounced up and down a few times, "I have the most brilliant, perfect idea! And Hashirama can help with it as well!"

"Yeah?" Rin asked, tilting her head.

Hashiama imitated Minato, and bounced up and down a few times, "Yeah?"

"We can make statues of a butt, and we can name them."

"Name them?" Rin questioned.

"We can label the statues as Minato's Posterior!" Kushina proposed with feeling.

Obito and Kakashi sweatdropped, "Of course _you'd_ say that," Obito muttered.

Kushina's hair began to rise up slightly, and she raised a fist, "What was that, Obito-kun?"

"Nothing!" Obito squeaked.

Kakashi snorted, "Is that everyone? Are we going to start Obito's week-long torment session for his father?"

Minato beamed, "Alright, let's go!"

Kushina just sighed and had everyone link arms so Minato could hiraishin over to forest of death.

"While we are here, we can use my old house if it is still around, I sealed it so no one could enter it without my permission," Madara offered.

"Sounds good," Kushina agreed and they left to go find Madara's house, which was a small adventure in of itself as Konoha had changed from his and Hashirama's time. Eventually, though they did manage to find it and they entered into Madara's old home.

"Alright, what are we doing first?" Madara asked, dusting off a spot on a chair and sitting down.

"Orochimaru's and Anko's ideas," Rin decided. "We can work our way up to the Kyuubi statue on top of the house."

Minato hummed in agreement, walking around and putting Hiraishin tags everywhere.

"Then mine, Rin's, Madara's, Hashirama's, Minato-sensei's, and finally, Kushina's," Kakashi decided, nodding firmly to himself.

"The Kyuubi has agreed to help with mine as well!" Kushina added with a devious smile.

"How would the Kyuubi be able to help?" Obito questioned.

"The Kyuubi's chakra is malevolent, and it radiates that sort of aura when placed in an object. No one will want to come anywhere near your Father's house as long as the statue is there and radiating with the Kyuubi's chakra," Madara said, grinning maliciously.

"And since no one would be willing to get near it, they will have a tough time getting rid of it, especially if we charge the statue up with enough of the Kyuubi's chakra for it to protect itself from fire jutsu's," Kushina added.

Hashirama turned to Minato, "Minato, did you get Tobi's sensory abilities?"

Minato nodded, "I do have sensory abilities, might not be Tobirama's though." He crouched down, placing a finger on the floor.

"Yep, you're related to Tobi!" Hashirama decided.

"If I was related to Tobirama, wouldn't I be better at water jutsu's? And not fire jutsu's?"

"Well, clearly, if you are related to me, my fire would override his water," Madara said, grunting.

Minato frowned at that, but could not find a way to counter Madara's statement. Besides for the fact that he really didn't believe he was related to either of the two legends. Even if according to Madara and Hashirama Tobirama was a playboy.

"Honestly, at this point, Tobi's probably related to most of Konoha!" Hashirama said, grinned a tad crazily.

"Did Tobirama not use protection?"

"Oh he did, but the few times he didn't it turns out he is extremely fertile. Actually that reminds me of an experiment, we found a woman who was said to be infertile and tested her embryos with Tobirama's sperm, and wala! She was pregnant."

Madara gave Hashirama a strange look, "You actually tested that? Did Tobirama know?"

"No, we did it during his checkup," Hashirama admitted.

"Did you let her keep the kid?" Rin asked, frowning slightly.

"Of course! What did you take me for, evil?" Hashirama asked, affronted.

Obito frowned slightly, "How about, lacking morals."

"And how do you define morals?" Hashirama asked, flipping his brown hair over his shoulder.

"I dunno, but you don't have any! You said it yourself!"

"Boys, we're getting distracted. We have pranking to do," Kushina said, a smirk spreading across her face. "Minato, would you finish checking if Obito's father is home?"

Minato nodded, placing his finger on the ground, "He isn't. He's on patrol."

"Let's go!" Rin cheered.

And so, they hiraishined over to Obito's house.

"We'll shift everything around, then wait for him to come home, and place the genjutsu that was Orochimaru's idea," Kakashi said, starting to move a table a couple of inches to the left.

The others got to work, moving stuff just slightly.

"The target approaches, I repeat, the target approaches!"

Everyone looked up from what they were doing, and quickly vanished, some disappearing onto the ceiling, others hiding away. Hashirama, for some reason, sunk into the floor.

Obito's father, Shizukesa, walked into the house, almost immediately stubbing his toe on the table next to the door. "Ow! What the heck?"

Quiet snickering, barely hearable, echoed around the house. Shizukesa narrowed his eyes, frowning at the apparently empty house.

He progressed further into the house, continuing to bump into assorted furniture. He was sure something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what. Also there was that stupid snickering that happened every time he bumped into something.

Rin, hidden in a corner, shook her head at the snickering but decided to weave them in along with the female voice telling Obito's father that he had failed their son.

Thus, they watched Shizukesa stumble around, stubbing his toe, bashing his hip into furniture, elbows, knees, and even his shoulders didn't escape unscathed.

Shizukesa was sure that the lamp hanging in the living room was not supposed to be that close to the couch, he kept hitting his head on it when he stood up. The couch didn't appear to have moved though, at least not very much, so that meant the lamp had to have moved, but it was in the ceiling, there was no way it could have moved!

The lamp was firmly attached to the wooden beams! This was not supposed to be possible.

And then there was the voice of his dead wife berating him for abandoning their son. Plus the snickering. The snickering was driving him mad, and he couldn't see anything, even with his Sharingan.

Hopefully, the snickering and the voice would go away with a good night of sleep. And the supposed moving of the furniture. He woke up the next day and got up glancing at his nightstand to look at the picture of his wife, only to find that in her place was a scantily clad woman. He stared in shock, Sharingan activating reflectively to dispel the genjutsu, only to see the pictures remain unchanged.

As he went around his house to prepare for his day, he noticed that all pictures of his wife, Kaji, were replaced with pictures of random woman. The rest of the day passed almost as normal at least once he left his home. He was still hearing Kaji's voice berating him, and the snickering whenever something happened. The picture of Kaji in his office had ended up being replaced as well.

A small bit of fire manipulation quickly got rid of the picture. He got home and ate some leftovers before heading off to bed. Still stumbling into items that just weren't where he remembered them to be.

The next day he woke up and went to take his morning shower, only to discover his hair was bright, neon pink. His precious hair had been dyed. It wasn't even done properly, their were streaks of undyed hair. As if whoever dyed his hair had no experience.

The snickering was annoying as ever as he heard the snickering every time he received an odd glance from someone as he headed off to work. It was clear to him now that someone was pranking him, but no matter what he couldn't find whoever it was.

It definitely wasn't Obito, as besides the fact the useless boy was a missing ninja, the boy also didn't have a creative bone in his body, as evident by his horrible lies. With a sigh he returned home, once more heading off to bed.

When he awoke the next morning he just laid there and stared at the ceiling wondering what new horror would await him. Finally he dragged himself out of bed and took a shower, staring blankly at the mirror for a moment as his shiny head greeted his sight. He didn't know if this was better or worse than the pink hair. Now he had no hair.

As he went about his day he once more received odd looks aimed at his hair. Sitting down in his office he heard a ripping sound. He frowned as he looked around, wondering what had ripped.

It didn't help that as he wandered around the police headquarters he noticed the other Uchiha seemed fairly smug and amused. Handing some files he heard another rip, looking at his clothes warily he didn't see anything off about them. Shrugging, and ignoring the new rip, he figured that it was some other kind of auditory hallucination like his wife and the snickering. He tried to manually dispel the genjutsu, but it never seemed to work.

As the day progressed his coworkers got more and more amused, a couple openly laughing at him, but they never told him why.

It was as he was walking home that it finally happened, a blonde haired man ran into him, obviously in a rush and his clothes let out a loud rip and fell apart from the seams, leaving him clad in nothing but his boxers.

He shunshined home, red with embarrassment.

He tripped over the table and banged his knees on his bed. He grumbled under his breath and decided he needed to get some help. He couldn't find the perpetrators with his Sharingan, but maybe some others would be able to.

So the next day he got dressed, thankful it was Saturday and he was off work as he went to his neighbor's house and asked for help. They agreed after lots of needling at his expense and they walked out, only to stare in shock at what had become of his house in the few minutes he had been gone.

It looked as if it had been replaced by a jungle, there were plants everywhere, climbing up the walls, growing out of the ceiling. The floor was broken from roots and stuff all over.

"What in Kami," his neighbor exclaimed in shock.

Shizukesa could only stare, "This is new. How is this even possible?" His Sharingan made it clear it wasn't a genjutsu.

"Did you irritate a mokuton user?"

"Don't be ridiculous, the only person who used mokuton is Hashirama, and he's dead."

"Well who did you tick off then?"

"I have no idea!"

As they made their way through the house they discovered nothing had escaped the plants, "I think your house needs to be condemned."

The plants seemed to have a life of their own as they shifted around, the floor becoming whole again and the worst of the plants disappearing.

His neighbor stared with wide eyes, "Well less condemning and more of a plant enthusiast's house now. At least you don't need to find a new place to live."

Shizukesa sighed, "It doesn't seem very livable to me."

"Look at it this way, it will be cheaper to just destroy the plants over time, then to buy a new house."

"I suppose."

With that his neighbor returned to his own house, leaving him in his plant filled home, where he started working on carefully burning the plants away, being cautious to not burn down his whole house.

After about an hour, though he stopped as he noticed the previously destroyed plants had just regrown.

With that he gave up and left his house to go get a drink. He only came back home once he was roaring drunk and it was late evening. He stumbled his way to his bed and passed out.

Of course, when he woke up, it was with a terrible hangover. As such, he didn't think it was terribly out of place for him to have what appeared to be a tiny statue of someone's butt. He did a double take, and blinked a few times at the statue, and immediately decided he was in waaaay too much pain to deal with this right now. He was also way to sober. The tiny statue even had a plaque, and on it, said: "Minato's Posterior."

He decided then and there to see if the Hokage would add 'crazy prankster' to Minato's bingo book entry. And maybe that he knows, or is, a Mokuton user. He scribbled a note about that, just in case he didn't remember that after the next time he got drunk. Which incidentally would be now. He got out of bed, and staggered over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cheap sake. He took a swig, and immediately spewed it out. This was **not** sake, it was prune juice!

"Namikaze!" He roared.

"Yes?" Minato appeared with a smile.

"Ah!" He jumped back, brandishing the sake bottle. "What is this, Namikaze!?"

"I believe it is prune juice, very healthy you know."

Shizukesa immediately tried to hit Minato with the sake bottle full of prune juice.

Minato just casually sidestepped. Crossing his arms as he did so and raising a judgmental eyebrow.

"I hate you," Shizukesa told him.

"You've said that before," Minato agreed.

"Go screw yourself."

"I would much rather screw Kushina."

Gagging could be heard.

"What was that?" Shizukesa questioned looking around.

"What was what?" Minato asked innocently.

"That-that gagging sound! What are you doing Namikaze?!"

A chorus of snickering rose up.

"I'm not doing anything," Minato said, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "And who's saying I'm even here at all?" With that he poofed into smoke, signaling a shadow clone.

"NAMIKAZE YOU BASTARD!" Shizukesa roared.

"Yep!" A female voice agreed. "But, he's my bastard!"

More gagging followed that.

"Obito, if you roll your eyes any harder, he's going to be able to hear you," a second female's voice said.

"He wouldn't have known I was here if you had just been quiet."

"Aww c'mon, he was gonna know you were here anyway, just one more day to go!"

"Yeah, and then I can take his eyes!"

Ominous silence followed that statement, and Shizukesa immediately dropped the bottle of prune juice and decided to go find an open bar.

He woke up in his house the next day, with a wicked headache, no idea how he'd gotten there, and more little butt statues, some labeled as other people's 'posteriors'. He wandered outside, debating just banging his head against the wall, and spotted it. It was grinning at him. Excluding malevolent chakra. A statue of the Kyuubi was perched on top of his house, and it looked to be mid-Bijudama formation, wooden ball forming where the bijudama would be.

Immediately he tried to burn it. A protective layer of red chakra formed protecting the statue. It seemed to be mocking him, even though nothing changed. He shuddered at the statue and decided to get the Hokage to deal with it.

It was a shame that he never made it out of the Uchiha district.

**(A/N) *cackling***


	14. Chapter 13

Shizukesa woke up, still with his hideous hangover, and looked around. It was a laboratory. Or so he assumed. There was blood on the table that was still fresh, and the table looked like it needed to be cleaned.

"About time you woke up," a voice drawled.

The Snake Sannin, the one that had gone missing-nin five months ago, walked into his line of vision and began cleaning the table.

"Oh, he's awake?" A voice he recognized as Obito's, came closer, and Shizukesa turned his head to look. Apparently, at some point between when Shizukesa last saw his son and now, Obito had a growth spurt and looked a bit like a stick insect, all gangly limbs.

"Came back, did you?" Shizukesa asked scathingly.

"Disappear, did you?" Obito replied sweetly. "You're clearly not in Konoha."

Another person, one Shizukesa didn't recognize, came into his line of vision. "They'll find your body in the Forest of Death in a few days."

Minato freaking Namikaze walked into his line of vision, and Shizukesa decided he hated the universe. "This is going to be awesome," Namikaze said a grin on his face

The other person chuckled, "The perfect finish for young Obito to get his revenge."

"And to usher in a new age in his life," Orochimaru finished, looking very much like he'd been forced into it.

"What are you talking about?!" Shizukesa demanded.

"Your death!" Minato chirped, looking all too happy for having just told someone they were going to murder him.

"By the hands of young Obito," The unknown man added, a smirk on his face. Shizukesa was starting to get the feeling he should recognize the man. Unfortunately, his hangover was a bit too heavy to let him think clearly.

"Me!?" Obito asked, shocked.

"They forgot to tell you?" Orochimaru asked, raising an eyebrow at Minato and the unknown man.

"We wanted it to be a surprise," The unknown man said.

"Some surprise," Obito muttered, pouting.

"Who're you?" Shizukesa asked, frowning at the unknown man.

The man's smirk widened and his visible eye glinted, "Me? Oh, I am no one important."

"Madara there is no need to torment the man like that," Minato scolded the man with an amused smile. The man who was apparently Madara freaking Uchiha.

"You seemed quite gleeful when your shadow clone appeared in front of him," Madara replied, deadpan.

"I'll be getting a new label in the bingo book because of it, of course I'm gleeful."

Obito rolled his eyes.

"Back to my imminent death, why are you doing this?"

"Because you were a horrible father," Obito deadpanned as if it was obvious.

"Also, Obito wants your eyes," Orochimaru said, wringing the bloody rag out over the sink.

"Well, I just wanted a new Sharingan eye, Madara was the one who said I should get yours. Something about using your Mangekyou Sharingan to make mine, once I get it, to the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan."

"You do have the Mangekyou Sharingan right? If not we will be forced to make you activate it," Madara informed him.

"I have it," Shizukesa admitted bitterly, narrowing his eyes. "I saw my wife die."

"The wife that died in childbirth?" Madara questioned.

"No," he replied sarcastically. "The one that died in battle, YES THE ONE THAT DIED IN CHILDBIRTH!"

Madara snickered, apparently quite amused at his outburst.

Shizukesa narrowed his eyes and huffed.

"I want to know about my mother," Obito said. "Y'know, before you die."

He sighed, "Fine. Kaji Uchiha was the daughter of Arashi Uchiha and Kasai Uchiha."

At this Madara's eyes widened. Ignoring the man Shizukesa continued on, "Kaji was a talented ninja, being hailed as a prodigy in fire jutsu's even amongst us Uchiha's, but misfortune struck as during one of her missions she was kidnapped by Iwa. She became their prisoner as they wanted the Sharingan for themselves. They used her, even though she was only a teenager until she became pregnant by a man named Ken Bo, shortly after she became pregnant they became more lax, especially as rescue attempts failed, eventually she managed to escape and gave birth to a child, a boy with the colorings of the Bo clan, from what she told me. She gave him to an Orphanage without ever naming him and returned to the clan. Eventually, I met her and became interested in courting her, she was wary at first, but eventually, we worked it out, we married in our thirties, a bit late for ninja, but we were happy. Then after a decade of happy marriage she got pregnant. She carried you despite the warnings of the doctors that it was dangerous, and when she gave birth to you she died due to the complications."

"What are the colorings of the Bo clan?" Madara asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Blond hair and blue eyes…" Minato muttered. "Orochimaru, did your test look for kekkei genkai, or just dojutsu?"

"You had latent explosive release," Orochimaru replied,

Shizukesa's eyes widened as he stared at Minato in shock.

Minato blinked, "I'm that unnamed kid, aren't I?"

"It does seem a reasonable presumption," Orochimaru agreed.

"Not only that, but my son was named Kasai Uchiha," Madara added.

"So we _are_ related," Minato said. "So Hashirama was right, at least in that part of his guess."

"Wait… Hashirama?" Shizukesa questioned, his jaw-dropping open.

Obito nodded, "Yes. Hashirama. That would be the Mokuton user you ticked off."

"How did I tick him off?! I don't even know him!"

"But he knows Obito," Minato pointed out.

"And as far as we've heard, you weren't very nice to him," Madara agreed.

Shizukesa scowled, "It's not like Obito was good for anything."

"My point being," Minato said, smirking.

"Hn," Madara gave a grunt in agreement.

"You may kill him when you're ready," Orochimaru drawled. "Any day now."

Obito sighed, "Do I have to?"

"Would you rather us kill someone other person close to you?"

"Not really," Obito decided. "Alright, I'll do it."

Shizukesa remained silent, deciding to go down with pride, as all Uchiha must.

Obito swallowed, and Minato handed him a kunai, "Here you go."

Obito took it, and with a quick motion, sliced his father's throat. He, of course, was splattered with blood. His first kill had been his own father. His one Sharingan eye spun, forming a new pattern, the Mangekyou Sharingan.

"We should do the transplant now," Orochimaru advised.

Obito nodded numbly, "Alright."

Orochimaru took pity on him and knocked him out with a shot of chakra. "Minato, Madara, please inform Kushina that Obito and I will be a few minutes late to dinner."

"Will do!" Minato said and started to walk out. "Wait… I just realized… Obito and I are half-brothers!" Minato exclaimed in shock before fainting.

Madara rolled his eyes and caught his newly discovered great-grandson. He then slung him over his shoulder, and walked into the dining room and dropped the unconscious Minato at Kushina's feet, "Your husband fainted."

Kushina sighed, "What happened?"

Madara smirked, "He learned that Obito is his half-brother."

"Oh, that's so sweet!"

"Also, Hashirama was right, Minato is my great-grandson."

"Somehow," Kakashi said dryly, "I'm not surprised."

"I knew it!" Hashirama declared with a triumphant grin.

"It just gives me even more of a reason to take the two under my wing."

Rin smiled, "I'm happy they found family. Proper family, in Obito's case."

Kushina nudged Minato with her toe, "Minato, dear, wake up or you'll miss the ramen."

Minato shot up, instantly awake, "Ramen?"

"Not ramen, but food nevertheless," Kakashi said, gesturing to the food on the table. "Where's Orochimaru and the dobe?"

Minato looked at Kushina, "Orochimaru said that he and Obito would be a few minutes late."

"And a few minutes late we are!" Obito shouted, sliding into the dining room.

Orochimaru came in a moment later at a much more dignified pace.

"Feeling better Obito?"

"Yep!" Obito said grinning a slightly deranged grin.

"Ah, finally, you have joined us on the dark side!" Minato cheered.

"We have cookies," Kushina added pulling cookies out from nowhere.

"Dinner first," Rin scolded.

They all sat down to dinner, eating Kushina's excellent cooking happily.

"So, Orochimaru, any progress with the latent bloodline activation?" Minato questioned after a moment of silence.

"No," Orochimaru said irritably, "Nothing is happening. And I mean nothing, not even the death of the subjects."

"That's a shame," Minato said with a sigh.

Hashirama rolled his eyes at this, clearly thinking that Minato was related to Tobirama. Silence fell over the table again before Hashirama spoke up, "So, the pranking was fun and we don't really have anything else to do."

Minato nodded, "It was. Really, we ought to get out more."

"Who should we prank then?" Kushina wondered absently.

"The Kage," Anko said firmly. "And Danzo."

Kakashi hummed in agreement, "Minato-sensei, you have already mooned three of the five Kage, why not make it all five?"

Kushina nodded, "Makes sense, why not Minato?"

Minato bobbed his head, "Yeah!"

"What else should we do?" Obito asked, swallowing some food he'd had in his mouth before speaking. "Oh I know! We could steal their hats," he said, bouncing in his seat slightly.

"When we are done with the hats we can return them to the wrong villages," Hashirama suggested.

"Deface a couple of monuments," Kushina decided. "Steal their S-ranks files and all their paperwork, draw all over it, then drop it off with other nations. We'll cause them so much extra paperwork, they'll stop the war just so there's less paperwork!"

"We want them to stop the war?" Kakashi asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"It'll be better for them," Minato said.

"Yes, but what about us? Is it better for us?" Obito wondered.

Minato shrugged, stuffing a bite into his mouth.

Kushina beamed, "It'll be fun, and we'll actually be properly known!"

"We aren't known now?" Obito questioned, tilting his head slightly.

"Not on the massive continent-wide scale we'll get with this stunt!" Kushina chirped.

"Wouldn't the kage's be too embarrassed to say they were mooned though?" Rin piped up, tapping her chin with a finger.

"Their paperwork will be ending up anywhere but back with them," Minato stated.

"Yes, I'm sure we will get recognized for that, but if Minato has already mooned three of the kage's and it's not mentioned at all," Hashirama pointed out.

Minato shrugged. "I'm sure once I've made it clear that it's not an isolated case, I'm sure they'll come around."

"If they do not die from embarrassment that is," Madara added.

Anko smirked, "I'm sure they'll survive."

"I wonder if we can get them to call a 5 Kages meeting about us?"

"We'll shelf that with the long term goals!" Minato agreed happily.

The group finished eating dinner, but remained at the table, except for Orochimaru who disappeared back into his laboratory.

"I want more poisons," Anko said suddenly. "Like the ones that Sasori of the Red Sand uses!"

"Speaking of poisons, I been meaning to tell you that I want to work more on my medical knowledge, so I will be heading out to learn more, I'll check in in a few months."

"Make sure to take a hiraishin kunai with you so you can summon me if you're in trouble you can't get out off. And what sort of poisons would you like Anko?"

"Suna's poisons," Anko said solemnly.

"Alright, I can head to Suna and get you some poisons, does anybody else need anything from Suna, or want to come with?"

Kakashi shook his head, "Too hot and sandy for my tastes, I'll stay here."

"I'll stay with Bakashi," Obito said, linking his fingers behind his head. "Same reasons."

"Someone's gotta make sure the boys don't kill themselves. Or each other," Kushina said.

"I'll be waiting for my poisons!" Anko declared before dashing off, probably following Orochimaru back to his labs.

Madara grinned maliciously, "I have a gunbai to practice with."

Hashirama sighed happily, "I want to grow a new forest...Suna needs some trees."

**(A/N) This is, unfortunately the final chapter we have written for this. Sorry, but this is going on hiatus for an indeterminate time. Do not worry, we have too many plans for this to not continue it at some point, but until that time, this is on hiatus. This won't be replaced until December, so stay tuned for that. **


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